about me

5/02/2017 09:43:00 PM
This is me in approx. 4th grade. Yes, that's a mullet and I'm at church. Kidding, I was a JAZZ dancer! Duh.

My llamo Kylee. My family and close friends and the occasional co-worker call me, Ky. I'm a wife to a cutie-pie and a Mommy to two little ladies.

I am mildly terrified of the ocean (ironic) and strongly prefer sleeping in my bed to almost anything.

I love food but hate am working on learning to like to cook and I love my juicer and shakeology.

I always wear sunscreen and I want to be in the best shape of my life by the time I'm 40 in 2019.

I'm a Sephora VIB Rouge member (I love products) and I think that breastfeeding is one of the coolest thing I've ever done. But I'm pretty glad that phase is over.

I make it a point to rarely discuss politics but will stop what I'm doing to discuss skin care and new mascaras.

I've been blogging since 2006 and I love it. It's my therapy. The only thing I'd rather do is sleep. And read. I work full-time, too. (Marketing)

I have five siblings and I like to plant seeds but hate actually tending to them after they grow. I'm working on that.

I also like to crochet (when I have time, so I haven't really crocheted since 2009) and have the best dogs ever. (Ok, one is the best. The other is who she is. We've accepted her.)

I constantly waffle regarding if I should cut my hair or not. I finally did it this year (lob), but regretted it. In addition, I have photographic proof that my hair was once a buzz-cut. When I was in college.

I am a parentless child. I lost my Dad when I was 10. And I lost my Mom when I was 34. I've been writing about it here. I went through a category 4 hurricane and I don't ever want to do that again. It's been an eventful year or so.

If you want to see me as a baby, click here.


This is Ferg. She's a Havanese. She was born in 2007. She's awesome. She's getting top billing before the family because as a dog in our house with two children --  she usually gets the shaft.

(Please note that she's smiling.)


I've been with my best friend as a "we" since 1997. (Go ahead, do the math.) And, we've been married since 2003. He's cute. I refer to him as "C." throughout the blog because his name is Craig. (Secret's blown.) I wrote about him on our 10-year-anniversary (10.25.13) here.

We're the parents of Lila (the blonde) and Vivienne (the brunette.)

They're awesome. Very, very loud... but awesome.

Us in 2016.

Us in 2015.
2014 - more photos here.



This is Ferg's dog, Millie. We rescued her in 2012 and she's crazy. She once ate EVERY WOODEN TOY we bought and drove us all nuts... but we love her. She's a cuddler. And that face?

I mean, come on.

I write about what interests me -- the content varies and sometimes (like during my pregnancies) revolves around one thing. Right now, I'm dealing with the unexpected passing of my Mom. It hasn't been easy. Read more about it here. And it's also about how I'm happy again. And how taking care of myself has been my therapy; I'm learning how to be unapologetically me.

When you read Two Pretzels expect to see posts about:
  • fashion (I write awards show recaps like nobody's business.)
  • food (I am always hungry and hate to cook. I know, rock and a hard place, right?)
  • grief (It's life, man.)
  • easy recipes (See above.)
  • fitness & health (I'm a coach. And I love it.)
  • parenting (This includes, but is not limited to, baby product reviews, potty training woes, sleeping issues, sickness and overall stuff I never thought I'd write about.)
  • pop culture (There's a lot of crazy to cover. I'm happy to help.)
  • online shopping (I see no reason why everyone isn't an amazon prime member - nope, not compensated for that.)
My goal has always been to make this a happy place... a space that's not too controversial but instead makes each and every reader sit back for a few minutes a day and perhaps smile.

Light and easy does it.


The world is our oyster, dear friends. I intend to be as happy as possible.

Let's do this.

That's me on the left. It wasn't my first time orbiting.


When I write about products, I'm never paid. I write about them because I either love 'em or hate 'em.
When I write about Beachbody, to know that I am a coach.

Email me anytime.

Updated 5.2.2017


  1. Never seen an episode of Jersey Shore?? Impressive! ;-) <3

  2. Replies
    1. Millie? She's more than likely eating the hands off of the girls' dollhouse dolls right now.

      Her pic is now above!

  3. lovely family!
    all , you are so cute!

  4. I think you and I have a mutual friend - Traci. I found your site through searching for a 21 Day Fix approved recipe for turkey meatballs so I'm gonna try yours! Hi from a fellow Beachbody coach! ;)

  5. P.S. I'm from Toledo too. :)


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