You say eclipse, I say excuses.

8/20/2017 07:53:00 PM

It seems to me that the solar eclipse provides the ideal excuse for just about anything.

The reason I think this is so: my children don't go back to school on Monday, August 21st, like we had anticipated and planned (and pined for) all summer long. Why? Because of the eclipse.

[insert upside down face emoji here]

I get it, I get it... even though we may catch 25% of the action down here on the Baja, no one wants to take the blame for the burning of minors' retinas.

That said.

Here are some of the things I plan on not doing, based on the fact that there's a total eclipse [of the heart].

1. The obvious one:

I can't go to work. What if I look at the sun?  There's an eclipse. I might look up while I'm on the clock. Then what? THEN WHO IS GOING TO DO THE MARKETING?

Easy solution: don't go.

2. The grammar-based one:

I'm sorry, I can't do anything today. I feel bad that the eclipse is getting all of the attention when ellipses never get any love...  You know... I mean...

3. The celebration one:

Oh man, I'll be at my house on Monday, August 21st during the solar eclipse celebrating Bonnie Tyler and her 1983 hit, "Total Eclipse of the heart."

Turn around, bright eyes...


If we don't celebrate Bonnie now, when will we? In another 100 years?

4. The food-related one:

I am only going to eat food that starts with an an "e" on Eclipse Day, like eclairs.

And eggs. And extra-crunch peanut butter.


Ok, that's all.

My words of wisdom? Don't look at the sun ANY day.

And wear sunscreen.

AND another thing, I really wish I would have produced and marketed eclipse glasses. ENTIRE schools bought these things. Instant eclipsonaires.


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