On Grief: We're all in this together.

So I just called to cancel my Mom's home phone, today. In the early days after her death I had a trusty yellow notebook; one that she had written in just days before she died. It was full of notes of which businesses, accounts and credit cards I had called, who I had spoken to: social security, life insurance, car insurance, credit cards, etc. It contained confirmation/account cancellation numbers, etc.

Today, there are just a few active accounts left -- her home phone line is one of them.


"Hi, I'd like to turn off my Mom's phone services."

"Are you an authorized user on her account?"

"She's deceased." [That usually seems to shut them up.]

"Oh. Ok."

[On hold...]

I give the customer service rep my Mom's account number, we move forward with the cancellation process.

She thanks me for my Mom's long-standing patronage of the telephone company. She tells me that my Mom's "loyalty was appreciated."

I'm glad the phone company appreciated my Mom. [insert eye roll.] Let's move on with this.

"So how long has she been dead?"

Wow. Ok. She's putting it out there, isn't she? "About seven months..."

"Hmmm... was she sick?"

Really? Because this is your business? "It was a car accident." [Now let's stop talking about this. Cancel the phone number, ok?]

"Honey, now that is tragic. Absolutely tragic."

I'm pretty much loathing this woman at this point.

Then she says, "Yeah, I know how you feel, well, not completely. But my son died. It was 10 years just 4 days ago. Yep, he died 3 days after his birthday ten years ago..."



And then my feelings come full-circle.

My heart overtakes my brain.

Because our pain really does connect us, doesn't it?

"I am so sorry to hear that. To hear about your son..." [I'm blown away. I feel for her... Oh, I feel for her. Her child...]

She says to me, "It's ok, honey. Thank you, though. It gets easier. I promise you that, darlin'. But it's always hard..."

"Yes, ma'am. I believe you're right."

And then we waited. In silence. Because really, what do you say?

And I took a deep breath because this is again, so final. If I call 417-741-xxxx it won't even ring. Ever again. Just like when I call 246-9729, my Dad doesn't answer. Sigh.


"Darlin', you're all set. And again, honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother."

"Thank you. I'm so sorry about your son."



"Grief shared is grief diminished", is what I have been thinking is truth. Now I realize that "Grief shared is grief shared."


What I have gone through, what I am going through, so.many.others are going through, as well. They've been through it.

Grief is the great leveler, isn't it? The great equalizer.

We never know what others are going through.
My heart goes out to you today.


--The Story of Loss. On Losing my Mom.
September 9, 2013  ::  The day I found out ::  Post here.
September 16, 2013  ::  It's One Week today  ::  Post here.
September 25, 2013  :: The Call  ::  Post here.
September 30, 2013  ::  Slivers of Sunlight  ::  Post here.
October 6, 2013  ::  That first week.Those first days :: Post here.
October 14, 2013  ::  14 days after  ::  Post here.
October 20, 2013  ::  I found a treasure  ::  Post here.
November 4, 2013  ::  She's been gone for 4 weeks  :: Post here.
November 13, 2013  ::  I smile and drive and cry and smile and cry  :: Post here.
November 17, 2013  ::  Weekends aren't easy  :: Post here.
November 26, 2013  ::  The holidays, the firsts  ::  Post here.
December 1, 2013  ::  8 weeks  :: Post here.
December 10, 2013  ::  The Dream  :: Post here.
December 19, 2013  ::  Vulnerability and Moving Forward  ::  Post here.
December 22, 2013  ::  The reminders. They're everywhere  ::  Post here.
December 29, 2013  :: 2013  :: Post here.
January 1, 2014  ::  The New Year  :: Post here.
January 7, 2014  ::  2 days from 4 months  ::  Post here.
January 17, 2014  ::  Another Gift ::  Post here.
January 25, 2014  ::  She would have been 60 today  ::  Post here.
February 9, 2014  ::  Five months  ::  Post here.
March 6, 2014  ::  Almost six months  ::  Post here.
March 27, 2014  ::  One of the Best Gifts Ever  ::  Post here.



  1. Oh, this made me cry, for multiple reasons. Sigh.

    You are right. We all have someone in our life who has passed away.

    Perhaps different relations such a grandparent, parent, a friend, a child (stomach sinks) and perhaps someone we loved in different ways….but never-the-less someone we loved and who is no longer with us.

    It really does bring us together. It is a feeling we have all felt in some way. It is a feeling we never want to feel again but the emptiness will ALWAYS be present. It is a feeling we are sympathetic to and easily relate to when others are going through the same thing.

    HUGS to you.

  2. In one day, it will be 7 months since my sister died and in 3 days marks her 4th "breath day". Thanks for being a virtual friend to share my grief with! --That random blog stalker girl again.

  3. This is beautiful. And so wise. It's true, we never know what's going on in others hearts. Everybody is ALWAYS fighting a battle.

    I love you.

  4. Wow - just when you think someone is being annoying or nosy...they are just trying to help. Kudos to you Kylee for always looking for and finding the silver lining. I think the good in people comes out because of you.

  5. The great equalizer indeed *sigh*


written exclusively by twopretzels. | Contact kyleeATtwopretzels.com . Powered by Blogger.