The New Year.

In all honesty, I want nothing to do with this whole "new year" thing.

I'm not looking forward to 2014.

I prefer to stay in 2013 for a bit longer... I'd like to linger here. I want to safely be embedded in the chaotic monotony of my normal life. Of my "before" life.

But, alas, I've learned that time stops for no one, now does it?


Last year, I made a vow to be more mindful. I wrote about it here.

I mentioned that I wanted to grow.

I never, ever, in a TRILLION years could have imagined that my growth would be tied to the loss of my Mom.

Oh man.

But, I vow to keep growing. She'd want that.

And another thing: I think that for 2014 I'm going to not only lower the bar -- I'm going to remove it altogether.

I'm going to continue doing what the top of this blog says; I'm going to "mindfully and imperfectly move forward."

But, I'm going to do this with love.

I'll do this with an entirely new perspective on life... on death... on relationships... on families... on parenting... on mothering.

So, 2014... I'm not excited to meet you.

But let's just go slowly and see if we can make this work.

And just know that I'm open to finding a ton of happy.
I'm open to copious amounts of laughter and lightness and love.

2014... if you can bring that, I think we can make this work.

Found on Sunday in one of my photo frames.



  1. sending you a hug, and some love, and a smile and some happy tears and some sad tears and a lot of laughs (cause that's all the stuff we'd do if we were together). but mostly, my 2014 wish is that we get to really do that all in person and, until then, i'll be supporting you from afar! and you do the exact same thing for me, my friend.
    love you, Miss

  2. I'm not a NYE fan. I "removed my bar" in 2013, and I felt free. As you know, I went through the most horrible years of my life on the past years and in 2013 the beast finally left my heart. We all fight different demons at different times, but I know you'll find your way and your light. I don't know when or how, how many weeks, months or years will take, but I have faith... in you.

    Growing hurts for sure. Living mindfully can be hard work. Not everybody can. But you? You're different. You're special.

    I love you, Kylee. I keep you in my prayers every single night, just as I know you keep me in yours. Just as I know you KEPT me in yours when I was absolutely lost.

    May 2014 be exactly what you need to keep growing, to mindfully and imperfectly move forward.

    Did I say I love you? I love you.

  3. I'm better for knowing you, Ky. So much better.

    I love you.

  4. I love you, Sister. I have never wanted a year to end more than this one, but at the time have never been so intent on not letting it go. Change. Loss. Good Byes. Ending one part of life vs. New. Gain. Hellos in wonderful dreams. Starting a new part of life. So as a wise younger sister told me..."hold on to the silver linings".

    I very much liked this as well:
    "For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice, And to make an end is to make a "...“A faithful hand will take and sift, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” (T.S. & George Eliot combined....)


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