The underbelly of parenting.

I love my kids but sometimes they drive me nuts.

Like crazy-nuts. Like, I want to pretend-I'm-not-home-sometimes nuts.

Having two small children under the age of 5 is enough to sometimes put me over the edge. I truly do not know how parents of more than one child do it because my children create an incredible cacophony of sound pollution on a 24/7 basis.

My house is SO LOUD.

[Craig, I'm sorry. I know this is my fault. I know that it's this way because of who I am. I'm sorry.]

Our current issues:

1.) THE CONSTANT TALKING. (I don't see this getting any better, either.) There is never a 14-second period of silence in my house. EVER.

Someone is forever talking, crying, making sounds, pretending to be a baby/animal or whining.

2.) THE WHINING. Oh, the whining. "Moooooommmmy.... Lila won't shaaaaaare..."

"Moooommmmy... I'm hungry/can you wipe me/This is boring/I want...."

It never stops. I don't help whiners. Vivi is the biggest offender.

3.) THE CHANGING OF THE CLOTHES. My niece gave Vivienne a little orange and white polka dot button-up sweater Friday and she has proceeded to take it off and put it on NO LESS THAN 89 times in the past 48 hours. There are approximately 8 buttons on the sweater and she can sometimes traverse them... and sometimes she can't... and when she can't... THE SCREAMING.

"Vivi, do you want some help?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!". As if I just asked her if she'd like to eat a broccoli cake. "I CAN DO IT!!!!!!" (Screaming. Top of lungs.)

(This is the sweater.)

And Lila?

She changes her clothes at least 4 times a day. Entire wardrobe changes. In the process, her drawers are a WRECK everyday because she requires the bottom shirt, the last pair of leggings in the drawer and she must find the perfect tights.

It's 80 degrees here. Tights?

I'm turning into my mother, "If you wore it once, it's NOT DIRTY. Pick it up off of the floor and put it in your drawer."

"But, it's INSIDE OUT!!!!!!!!!"

Uh-huh. Make it right side out and let's move on.

4.) The EATING. Lila is an incredible eater. She eats everything. All the time. In fact, a common sentence in our house is, "Go play. You're not hungry, Lila."

She loves mashed potatoes, all vegetables and deviled eggs. She literally will try almost anything.

Then there's Vivi. Perhaps it would be easier to create a list of what she does like:

Bananas, pears, apples and grapes.
Milk, water and [rich chocolate] ovaltine.
Peanut butter.

...and scene.

My kids don't like meat and I have to sneak it in every now and then. EVERY MEAL is an annoying challenge.


I could go on and on and I know this is only a season -- and if you know me, then you know I actually do love this time in my life...

...but seriously?


Child A (Lila) - incredible sleeper. She grabs Petal her bunny, goes to bed. AND, she's out. BOOM. It's that easy. She's slept through the night since what? 6 or 8 weeks?

We were ADAMANT "drowsy-but-awake" parents with our firstborn child and she's always been an incredible sleeper. No pacifiers. All sleeping. All good. All happy.

Child B (Vivienne) - horrendous sleeper. Put her to bed, she's up 4-6 times within minutes of laying down:

1. "Mommy, can you hold me?"
2. "Mommy, can you rub my back?"
3. "Mommy, can you rub my belly?"
4. "Mommy, can you rub my head?"
5. "Mommy, I need to go potty."
6. "Mommy, I need some water."

There's screaming. There's crying. There's pleading. And then... she falls asleep. Hopefully for the whole night. (Remember, she's the "I need a hug" at 3 a.m. kid.)

We were NOT "drowsy-but-awake" parents with Vivienne - I held her all.of.the.time. [Again, I know this one is my fault, Craig.] She had a pacifier until we finally took it away when she was over 2 years old. Since then, she has NEVER BEEN ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP WITHOUT A BREAKDOWN. (She'll be 3 in January.) I hate pacifiers and I would never, ever use one for that long again. That kid doesn't know how to fall asleep.

Um... lesson learned.

Did I mention that she gets up everyday in the sixes? Yeah. Awesome.

We're lucky she's so cute.


But then again, there are the awesome things.

1. Lila has started using the phrase, "If I were you..." in completely the wrong context about 10 times a day. (Yes, complete Ron Burgundy, "When in Rome..." style.)

Example 1:

Me: "Lila and Vivienne, put the legos away, please."

Vivienne: "blah, blah, blah..." [I'm serious.]

Lila: "I'll do it, Mommy. Vivienne, if I were you."

[Insert quizzical head shake.]

Example 2:

Me: "Lila, go grab your shoes so we can run to the store."

Lila: "Ok, Mommy. If I were you."



2. Vivi layers. All the time. I love this about her. And she somersaults anywhere. Which is entertaining. She also calls sweatshirts, "sweaterts" and kisses me 20 times a day. On my knee or thigh. (Where her mouth can reach.)

And I love that she wears this hat that my Mom bought for Lila years ago. :)

Pajamas. Middle of the day. Third outfit of the day on Sunday.

3. We bought an Elf on a Shelf. (I know, I know...) and as the tradition goes, you have to name the elf.

Me: "What do you want to name her, Lila?"

Lila: "Sparkle."

Me: "Vivienne, what do you want to name her?"

Vivi: "Paint."

["Paint". Stop it. I love this kid.]

So, she's been named: "Sparkle Paint the Elf."

LOVE them.



  1. Sounds very familiar. All of it! The constant clothes changing drives me BANANAS! But Keira does it too. Oh and the whining...

  2. This is awesome! My favorite post EVER. I literally laughed out loud. It's true... why do they ALWAYS NEED/WANT SOMETHING?

  3. Oh Kylee....I laughed and nodded through this entire post....every single word!!! I SO feel you on this! Being parents to two is so HARD, but in the most fantastic way. The NOISE....I get it....questions, talking, random noises, singing, knock knock jokes that make zero sense (popular in our house....all day long) the "mommy lets pretend we're {insert random animal here}....all day, every day : ) And I've said it before....but I feel we're traveling the same path. Brody....our the "golden" child....perfect eater, perfect sleeper, perfect (introverted) demeanor....and Kendyl? Oh Kendyl. She's the spunky one....doesn't sleep (also....up before sunrise....everyday. And up at least twice a night....STILL) list of foods is a match to your Vivi's : ) I just loved this whole post!!! I'm right there with you

    Kristin (KZ)

  4. Ditto. That's all I can say. You've just made me feel way better about a recently developing fear that I was doing a horrible job of parenting based on the whiney results I was soul-searching "do I need to completely change my approach?" type fears ...or I guess I could look at it as you're an equally bad parent. :) Either way misery loves company. Parenting in front of my in-laws for the last 4 days in a row over Thanksgiving didn't help. They're lovely people, but you become acutely aware of how much you scream (and how much they whine) when their grandparents are watching you. And Ellie even has those reindeer PJs. There is much debate about the reindeer shirt every time they come out. I think I could put up mirror image pictures. Seriously. So I'm just saying it's the age.We're both top-notch parents. Keep calm and carry on!

  5. Gosh we need to get our kids together. They could drive us nuts and have us laughing all day long!

  6. i have to say, as a non parent, they sure are cute and would be super hard to not laugh at even in the midst of buttons and whining and messy clothes drawer (which i'm sure you do quite often)! and i know you're a good mom in that you are doing the best you can to love/nurture as well as hold the boundaries, too. i love your motto (something like): we are the adults, it's us against them.... ; )
    love, Miss

  7. Ok...can I just say I was nodding my head through the whole post...until I got to "Paint" and I seriously spit my water out ON my computer screen from laughing out loud. Oh my. That is hysterical!

  8. HAHAHA!!! I LOVE this post!! If I were you.

    YES. Yes. Yes. (nodding)

    So i know I only have one and it doesn't compare, but my one is a bit of a handful and so many of these ring true!! I was actually laughing out loud during this post. It is funny because I am actually trying to write an update for Henry for the blog and they are so similar to Henry, especially Vivi.

    I mean these kids. They really push us, no?!?! One minute we are at our breaking point and screaming and the next we are laughing uncontrollably because they are so freak’n hilarious. Like the other day Henry was standing on a chair by the sink “helping” me wash dishes and he spilled water ALL over the place and I was instantly annoyed but before I could really yell or say anything he looked around and lifted his hands and said “awe maaaaan”. It was hilarious. Still made him help clean up the water even with his cuteness :-)

    I also love how different your girls are. I just think that is so awesome. They definitely each have their own personalities!

    Sparkle Paint the Elf?! Awesome.

  9. Laughing out loud at PAINT!

    Ok - these are good lessons. I see so many similarities between sisters of all kinds. Similar...but so different.
    Thanks for you honesty.

    @ KZ - the knock knock jokes!!!!!

  10. I can totally relate, most closely with Ava changing her clothes 2-3x a day! however we have the opposite problem, its 10degrees here and shes constantly putting on skirts or sleeveless dresses! Even more comical is how familiar the bedtime horror w the 2nd child goes. Vi will lay awake in the complete dark and sing laugh dance whatever, never falling asleep until 10, 1030, sometimes 11pm.It is a nightmare! Guess were lucky they are so stinkin cute!


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