I like to eat food. Not make it.

So it was dinner time last night. Dinner time is about 8 p.m. in our house -- after the ladies go to sleep and after the sun goes down. It's hot here.

I decided that I was going to make some pesto, add some shrimp and throw it over a bit of pasta. I look up a pesto recipe on Pam the iPad and found, "How to make pesto like an Italian Grandmother." SCORE.

I had everything I need: basil, olive oil, pine nuts, Parmesan cheese and garlic.

This is my mini-leaf basil plant that apparently has a VERY pungent taste when eaten in mass quantities.

I do like the recipe says, I chop the basil and scrape and add more and chop and scrape... blah, blah, blah. I add the garlic - I add everything. It's GORGEOUS and smells as it should: garlicy and lovely.

Then I taste it.

AHHH! My tongue. Holy hotness, my tongue. The garlic and lemon-y basil SEARED my tongue. It was on fire. (I actually added less garlic than the Italian Grandmother called for...)

Oh wow.

(It's been an hour and a half and as I type this I can still taste the garlic.)

I tried diluting the pesto with more olive oil. That was a no-go. I looked up, "How to fix too much garlic in pesto" and everything pretty much said, "Don't put so much garlic in there to begin with." Thanks, jerk.

I came to terms. I yelled to Craig, "It appears as if this pesto didn't work out. I'll figure something else out."


So now the water's boiling and the pasta's almost done. I decide to saute the shrimp in a bit of olive oil and add some sun dried tomatoes and a teeny bit of my uber-potent, flame-wielding pesto mixture. I'm thinking that it'll give it some nice flavor.

I then promptly forget about it and start to do something else in the kitchen.


Maybe Craig won't notice.

Me: "Time to eat. Come and get it. This is definitely not my most gorgeous meal... in fact, the more I look at it, you don't even have to eat it. I mean, really. It's really ugly. It looks... really unappetizing."

Craig: "Nah, it'll be fine... I'll try it..." [He's walking into the kitchen. He hasn't yet SEEN the shrimp/sundried tomatoes combo yet.]

He looks in the pot.

Craig: "...What is that?"

I'm totally thinking about going into food photography.

Me: [Smiling. I mean, how can you not? I just made the single-most unappetizing meal EVER.] "Those are sundried tomatoes... with shrimp... and pine nuts... in some sort of dirt-colored broth."

Him: "Oh. Ok. Wow. [Calm. Optimistic.] Sometimes things that don't look so good are awesome."

Me: [Bless his heart. THAT is why I married him.] "Yeah, I don't think that's true in this case."

At this point I hadn't tried it. Quite frankly, who would WANT to eat that? It was brown and thin and those "sun dried tomato halves" didn't look like they should be eaten.

I swear to you, it looked like shrimp tea.

So Craig sits down with his bowl of shrimp tea and pasta and takes a [wary] bite:

"Oh. Um... [incredulously] I can't even eat this shrimp. I mean, I can't even bite it. It's like gum. Wow!"


He gets 10,029 points just for trying it.

I mean, shrimp tea. Who would want to eat shrimp tea?

I clearly don't shine in the cooking stadium..

I can, however, pour an upstanding glass or two of wine.


Meet: our dinner.

Sometimes when Plans A & B don't work out, you need to settle on Plan C.

It was a Plan C kind of night.


1 comment:

  1. HAHAHA!

    Been there!!

    That was awesome he tried to eat it :)

    I love to cook, but have failed at pesto multiple times. one time too garlicy, the second time I hated the pine nuts (blech) and the third it just tasted off.

    Now I make a deconstructed pesto instead, because for some reason I just can't figure out a good pesto. (Should be easy, no?!?! It is like 5 ingredients....stupid pesto)

    I made this up, so no recipe.

    I would cook the meat in garlic and a bit of oil to get the garlic flavor. (not a lot of oil, we can add more later)

    (If you don't want meat you could just take some oil and over med-low heat heat up some garlic just till you smell it then turn it off and add it to the pasta.)

    After the meat is done, you could add chopped nuts (i like almonds better) to the pan and turn off the heat as you don't want to cook them. Then add the cooked pasta on top. Before you mix it, add the basil and some parm cheese and mix. You will probably have to add a bit more olive oil and maybe some cooking water. I would then add some lemon zest on top to brighten it up! It isn't as strong as pesto, but has the same flavors!!


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