Still at it. For now.

Sweet Baby Lila. Day #2
The first time around, I breastfed Lila. I was one of those annoying success stories. It just worked. Which was awesome, because getting pregnant took a while. I distinctly remember that feeding her when she was a newborn was ridiculously time-consuming, but we both honed the craft and got better and toward the end Lila was eating in like 5 minutes flat.

As it turns out, Lila was one of those non touchy-feely babies (yes Virginia, they do exist) and the only cuddly time I got with her was when I was feeding her. And, as a full-time working Mom, I sort of just needed that time with her. It made me feel like I was making up for "lost bonding". It's true. I loved breastfeeding and was somewhat conflicted about it when it ended... (I wrote about it here.)

I didn't need to be nervous for too long because right as I was nearing the finish line -- when Lila was about 10 months old, I found out that I pregnant again. And because when you have your second baby you MAKE SURE YOU DO THE EXACT SAME THINGS THAT YOU DID FOR THE FIRST ONE IN ORDER TO BE FAIR*...I knew that more nursing was in my future.

This kind of helped the whole weaning process. I wrote about it my "semi-reluctant emancipation" here. When Lila was done. We stopped. I remember the day. I remember her last feeding. I remember it all like it was yesterday. She was just done. I was kind of like, "Huh? What just happened? Well, ok."

But it was all good. Why? Because I was pregnant and had another baby on the way and I knew that my new baby would be nursing and any void (read: personal issues) I had would be filled with the new one.

Sweet Baby Vivienne. Day #2
Well, the new one is 9 months old and is still nursing, just as her sister was. However, gone are the days of her silently and calmly lying in my arms and gazing into my eyes as she eats. Nope, now we have a speedracer who wants to QUICK eat so that she can QUICK go play and QUICK go do something else.

She also has teeth. Ow.

I know that I'm about 2.5 - 3 months away from nursing and pumping no longer being a regular thing in my life. And I'm excited. (I HATE CARRYING MY PUMP TO WORK. I HATE PUMPING, TOO.) And sad.  I love this time with my Vivi and I know that it will end naturally, when it's supposed to. And at that point, I will reclaim my body (I've been pregnant or nursing since October of 2008. I'm not asking for acknowledgement. I just wanted to type that.) and I will move on.

'Till then, I think I'm going to continue appreciating today.

**Tell me that I'm not the only parent of two children whose life mission has been to level the playing field and be as fair as possible to the second child? Ensuring that Baby #2 has everything, or at least most of everything that Baby #1 had or experienced?

I can't be the only one.



  1. Ahhh, YES! Why do we feel the need to level the playing field (as you say)? I'm already stressing about nursing/pumping for this little guy because I did it for his sisters, but man, how the heck am I going to do this for him with preschool and the zillion other things we have going on now that our kids are older? Oy. I wish guilt didn't come along with parenthood. ;)

    P.s. I can't believe babies are ever that little. So cute.

  2. I love the iddy biddy baby photos! :) I never nursed the girls and I am mournful about it. I don't think I ever would have been able to nurse two babies anyway, but, I never even tried, on the advice from my delivery room nurse. She told me because I worked full time that I wouldn't be able to nurse the girls. Umm, okay? I just took her word as gospel because I didn't know any different. I regret that slightly now. Annnnywaaaay, sorry, guess it was confession time in your commenting section!!

    The whole 'even steven' thing is craaaaazy in our house. I feel so guilty when I do something for one kid that I don't do for the other!

  3. I still miss nursing my kids. I nursed Henry for 9 months and Keira only for 4. She just didn't like to nurse. :-( I would've done it for longer. Oh well. Sigh.

    Love those photos of you 2 in the hospital.

  4. Addie will never be able to have what Vivi has. I was so far gone with the depression that I was a waste of a mom the first time around.
    But Vivi will never be able to have my undivided attention for the first six years of her life...I think that levels things pretty well.
    Those tiny baby photos make me weepy.

  5. I think having 2 girls one right after the other- makes total sense to level the playing field. Having a girl & then a boy, and now #3/girl- it's crazy hard to keep up. But I do plan on having a level playing field in terms of "the big stuff." They will all get piano lessons. They will all be fed at the same time and with the same dinner. They will all be expected to go to bed by 8:00 (ha!). But if one needs a lovey and the other doesn't- no big whoop. The sign of a good mommy (like you!)? You know your kids and you know when to level it and when to keep it a bit uneven for good reason. :-) Love the photos!

  6. I know what you mean. I am already thinking of what I will do for baby #2, when that time comes (not yet, but soon maybe). With Brady (as you know) I wanted a natural childbirth, but that didn't work out. Since I had a c-section, I know I will probably have another (my choice). That already gives baby #2 something different and that makes me feel bad. Breastfeeding is tough, but I am not giving up. I am up every 2-3 hours at night and it is HARD. After I bf Brady for a few months (my goal is a year), will I still want to do the same for baby #2. I hope so!

  7. I think it's a bit harder for me to level the playing field since I'm more established and more adult than I was 10 years ago. I had trouble nursing both, and felt I had to overcompensate, but they're both great and perfect and I love them with everything I have. That's the best any parent can do, broke or rich, married or single.


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