Confession: My life doesn't revolve around my children.

6/03/2018 03:49:00 PM


I honestly feel like I need to give myself permission to change my computer's desktop image. You know, my background screen.

Currently, I have the obligatory picture of my children there. They've pretty much held that real estate since they were born.

But the truth of the matter is...

...I want to use something else.

I want to replace them.

I want to replace my children.

(If you're ordering me a "Mom of the Year" trophy, it's K-Y-L-E-E...)

I want to remove my daughters from my screen but FBBM ("Fear of Being a Bad Mom") has slowed my roll.

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I got a new computer back in March and it came with pretty backgrounds that can change as often as I'd like...

...but I can't seem to give myself permission to DENY seeing my children each time I minimize my screens or view my desktop.

Flowers and beautiful calming scenery... or... my kids?

A dramatic black and white cityscape... or... my kids?

A smiling sloth ... or... my kids?



(That sloth kills me.)

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Let's work through this together.

Here's a quick list of what my brain is currently considering:

1. I am a grown woman who can configure her desktop in any manner that I please. 

Right? I choose my own bedtime, I can leave the doors and windows open when the air conditioning is on. I can configure my devices however I see fit. RIGHT?

2. I SEE my children every day, do they REALLY need to be on my computer screen, too?

I have a Mexican phone and a U.S. cell phone and I've removed them from BOTH of those screens. But not to worry, I have 10k photos of them ON those phones.

3. They won't know. They won't know if I remove them. Will they?

They don't use my computer. But they notice the small things...

4. I highly doubt that if Shirl (my Mama) were here today that I'd be her desktop image. 

(Primarily because I don't think she would know how to customize her desktop image. Sorry, Mom.)

...and finally...

5. I should be cool with changing my desktop image because my life doesn't need to revolve around my children.

(Gasp. There. I said it.)

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Friends.

I'm a firm believer that there is a fine line between smothering and mothering.

Yes, I technically gave them life, but does that mean they need to be my life?

My answer: no.

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Yes. I love my children.

Yes, I hope that they're generally content.

Yes. I absolutely want them to be healthy physically and emotionally and I'll do my best to uphold this wish.

Yup - I feed them, clothe them, 'learn 'em, listen to them (incessantly), pick up after them, play with them, read with them, sit with them, correct them and do their laundry. (We do so much more than that, though - right parents?)

Do I really need to have them on my computer, too?

This is a bigger issue, though.

Our children matter. They're huge parts of our lives. Obvs.

Beyonce is amazing, the sky is blue and kids are important. These are facts.

BUT... my life isn't my kids.

Nope.

I'm Kylee.

I'm me. These two lovely ladies are here on loan to me and I get them for a short time before they are off on their way to change the world, or, live in it.

I refuse to over-schedule them.
They require boredom.
The best ideas come from boredom.

I refuse to take them to every, single, birthday party that they're invited to. (The other week there was a party on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Hold the phone. Nope. Pick one. Two if I'm feeling generous.)

Just like I need downtime, they need downtime.

Just like I want to look at a pretty photo on my computer screen that is NOT my children, they want to have a few minutes without running to the next activity.

Now, some parents are of the ilk that the more activities their kiddos participate in, the more well-rounded they'll be. And, some believe that their kids need that kind of stimulation or else they have way too much energy. Some over-schedule their kids because that means they have to parent them less. (Yep, I also said that. I don't blame them. I've met some jerk-kids.)

All not for me to worry about.

To each her own.

Our motivations need to be in check, though.

If we are carting our kid to baseball six times a week for hours at a time, do it because you love it. Not because you're expecting your child to thank you one day for it.

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Wherever you are, whatever you're doing -- keep at it.

I have the ultimate confidence that at some point all of our kids are going to think we made the wrong parenting decisions. However, I'm also confident that they'll change their minds when it's 1 am and they're rocking their first baby.

In the fog of parenthood, as they're shifting into that space when the world REVOLVES around that little human, they'll realize that we did the best we could with what we had.

They'll realize that we love them so much that it physically pains us.

They'll realize that no screensaver, no background on a phone, no driving to gymnastics or dance class could ever communicate the impact that they've made on our hearts.

Love you, Lila and Vivi.

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xo,
ky


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1 comment:

  1. My background is NOT my children on my computer, phone, or iPad. Gasp. I’m a terrible mother.

    ReplyDelete

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