Emmy Fashion Recap 2017

9/17/2017 09:00:00 AM


Alright, kiddos. First of, I'd like to take this moment to thank Tropical Storm/Hurricane Norma for dissipating and moving westward thereby not adversely affecting my Dish Network satellite and allowing me to watch hours of the E! Red carpet and the 69th Annual Primetime Emmys.

Thank you.

On that note, I was uber excited to kick off the awards show season with the Emmys. I mean, it's TV. It's fun.

Regarding the show, which wasn't overwhelming entertaining, I have this to say:

I am so glad that Sterling K. Brown won. I adore This is Us. I need at least one drama that welcomes me to bawl my eyes out per TV season.



I guess I'm going to have to watch The Handmaid's Tale. Have you watched it? I read the book and didn't enjoy it. Like, at all.

I loved seeing these three, too. 

Dolly Parton is a loose cannon.



On to the fash-in.


::

We're going to go ahead and start with Jane Fonda wearing Brandon Maxwell because her stance appears that she's demanding that we start with her.

Ok, so first - I adore the color. I think most would think that this color is kind of immature and girly, I totally disagree.

But that long, Barbie-style extension pony tail? Um... that's immature and girly. The dress is fine, the styling just went south. 

However, the bell sleeves are super on-trend and wow. I mean, wow. Jane Fonda looks amazing.


This is Carrie Coon and this is bad.

This is unfortunate pink. It kind of reminds of what Tinkerbell's Mom would wear.


Ok, let's talk about the prints.

It's a given that I will love pretty much all of the printed gowns at any awards show because I have an affinity for loud things.

I think Hilaria Baldwin looks stunning in this Badgley Mischka gown. (She had 3 babies in 3 years.)

Um, it's incredible. She's gorgeous. And I'd like that in either a drape or a wallpaper.

(I'm serious. I'd like that either in a wallpaper or a drape.)


So great.

Craig: I don't like it. At all.


So, this is the Fella from This is Us and his lady, who I'm sure has a name, but I don't have the time to google it -- forgive me, and this is not a print I can get behind. That flower over her left side has extremely unfortunate placement.

And his bow-tie and matching pocket square and cane?

Pass on the Willy Wonka look, buddy.

So sad.

I hate purple.

Is that a top hat?

Did someone dare him to wear that?



Deon Cole, from Blackish (one of my favorite shows), looks fantastic. This is a pattern that works.

Yay for plaid.



Vanessa Bayer, bless her heart, is dressed for a garden party. Or a tea. It's quaint and charming and eh.

Not a fan of the dress. Of Vanessa? Yes. Dress? No.

Resounding no.

(I think the size of the print is just more than I can handle. It's smothering. Imagine being locked in a room with that on the walls. Eek.)


This print, I lurve it.

Sarah Hyland is wearing Zac Posen and, I love it. I think her whole look is great. I mean, she's young. She can pull this off.

This color looks superb on her, too. And, her hair is on point.


Regina King is so nice, and holy wow, she is so fit... but I hate this.

You have to choose one asset to flaunt. You can't show 'em all:

Choose your adventure:

1.) Deep front V - showing cleavage
2.) High leg slit - almost showing your lady parts
3.) Low back - potentially showing your 🍑

Choose ONE. Don't choose TWO. Never choose THREE.


Best combover of the night, right here.

I don't even see her dress.

(It's like a comb-over and a come-forward.)

Wow.


See, now I feel like Allison Janney is amazing. She's witty and funny and I swear, I adored her in Juno. (I pretty much love her in everything.) And then there's Felicity Huffman, also just fine.

But these demure, lacy gowns?

I don't know.

I'm just not loving them.

What is this? Springtime at the prom? Eh.

 

Look. Another one. Blech.


This is Amanda Crew wearing a Michael Cinco gown.

I don't really know what to think.

I think it's gorgeous, but sort of disturbing. Why can we see the shape of her anatomy? Is this ok?

What do you think?

I swear I can see her belly button.

It's just eh.


Elizabeth Moss in this Prabel Gurung tea-length dress is lovely.

I don't have anything negative to say about it, except that it sort of reminds of that bridesmaid line that J.Crew had for a short while and renamed the "party collection" after no one bought it.


This is too severe for my taste. And, it's just way.too.much.fabric.

And for the love of all things holy, how many non-buttoning buttons are on this?


Cutie.
Pie.

Totally appropriate.

Millie Bobby Brown is adorable in this Calvin Klein frock. 

(Did you like that? My "frock" reference? I'm totally down with the across the pond vernacular. I watch Peppa Pig.)

**And can ANYONE say the name, "Millie Bobby Brown" without singing "My prerogative"? I can't.

"I'm gonna do what I wanna do."


Every year there's always someone who dresses like the award.

Sigh.


Stunning.

Priyanka Chopra looks amzing in Balmain. I adore this. These feathers are so, so cool.

Lovely. And classic.


More feathers here on Tracee Ellis Ross. I know it's Chanel Haute Couture, but it seems that the dress should be longer.

And it's too poufy. Or is it poofy. Either way, no.



Nope.

I'd literally rather wear a banana.


Um, look at Zach Galifianakis.

Whoa.

Before...



Today...


Go ahead... take a moment with that...

::


Anika Noni Rose is no doubt a stunning woman.

This blush-colored gown by Thai Nguyen Atelier is lovely.

But, ya'll... that's too much b@@b.

Too much.


Can anyone ever look at Anna Chlumsky and not think of My Girl?

I loved that movie.

Truth? She looks better than she EVER has at these awards shows.

It is unfortunate how the red carpet mirrors on her skirt, though.


I am DYING at this photo.

First off, I watched The Crown and I loved it.

Claire Foy and Matt Smith are killing it in this picture.

The fashion doesn't matter, this post, those faces... it's everything.

Are they angry?

Are they accusing us of something?

Are they hurt?

What's going on at home?

Has someone recently shocked them or done them wrong?

Is there a killer behind me?

WHAT MESSAGE ARE THEY SENDING?

I think this is going to be a fantabulous meme.


I love this.

It's young.

And cool.


Ohmygosh, look! Heidi Klum just got back from Burning Man and was able to make it to the show!

She looks s-u-u-u-per laid back.

And s-u-u-u-per inappropriate.

This is a Cabo dinner dress.

(I do like those bracelets, though. On both wrists? Cool.)


This is gorgeous.

This is a deep V done right.

Well done, Gina Rodriguez.


Um...

No.

This is like a swimsuit with a skirt and a flare-legged pant (note the singular) attached.

Kindly note the flower on the left up-top.

And the train.

What?!

This is a trainwreck. She should have worn this to the MTV awards.

But her arms rock.



This is the look I give people when I don't recognize them but they know my name.


Judith Light is age-appropriate and STUNNING.

I will always love you, Angela Bauer.

(SEE? She chose ONE thing to show: her leg, via that high slit. Nicely done.)


I think I need to start watching Veep. Apparently it's good?


Yara Shahidi is stunning.

This is a win.

I love those sleeves.



Kate McKinnon looked stunning and I'm so happy for her.

Fantastic.

I loved that the top of this was leather. Gorgeous.


Leslie Jones makes me happy. She look stunning in Christian Soriano. 


Ok so here's a foursome of lovely ladies. I don't really have anything negative to say. They're fine. We've got Lea Michelle & LaVerne Cox on the top and Laura Dern & Kiernan Shipka below. Fine. Whatever.



 

I always give Nicole Kidman a hard time BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS WEARS CHOKERS, but man... she looks lovely. Gorgeous. Stunning, stunning.

This is absolutely perfection.

FINE. You win, Nicole.

(I am on her side because in life I'm always staunchly on whatever side Tom Cruise is not on.)


Add a mustache and a cop hat and this could totally be Reese Witherspoon's Halloween costume.

I do love the color, though.


Here's Robin Wright Penn and her daughter with Spicolli.

Man. They have great hair.

(I stopped watching House of Cards because it just got too dark. I never finished the final season. Anyone else agree? Is it worth finishing?)


Rupaul is cute and I swear I want to shave Craig's head just to see how he'd look.

Don't go to sleep, Craig.


Ok, so during her pre-game interview with E!, Shailene Woodley was telling the E! interview guy that she "doesn't own a TV" and she "doesn't watch TV" because she chooses to "read books."

Um.

Ok, so you're too good to own a TV but you make TV shows for non-readers to watch?

You can't enjoy TV and books? It's like a one or the other thing?

Eh.

You look fine, but your hair needs help.

Get a book about doing hair, maybe?



Um, if you don't like Sofia Vergara, you're just jealous.

She looks great.

Because she always looks great.

This silhouette was made for her. I remember Joan Rivers always saying that she knew what worked for her and she was smart to continue with it.

I mean if it ain't broken...

(I miss Joan Rivers. #JoanRangers4Eva)


I'd be sullen/irate/frustrated/moody if I had to wear this gown, too.

Yikes.


No.

Yup, nope.



Thandie Newton is perfection.

I love that she decided against a necklace.

Stunning.


Whatever.


While Zoe Kravitz doesn't look like a happy unicorn, I feel that her dress does.

And, I like it.

And I like her, too.


Next, I think Mandy Moore looked lovely in this Carolina Herrera gown.

Stunning.

That's a happy smile.



Ok, so my worst dressed was so easy.

This is too much.

Gabrielle Union is a gorgeous woman, but this... this my friends? It's too much. I hate it all.

The choker + bolero + severe part in her hair + appliques EVERYWHERE  = no.

No, gracias.



Another fashion mistake was committed by Samantha Bee.

I hate this.

It's just.too.big.

It's not flattering.

Why? Just why?

Why so much emerald green?

Those sleeves are too long.

The front of the gown is gaping and it's just too much on her small frame.

Why didn't someone help her?

And stop with the dyeables shoes.



And my absolute worst dressed?

Ariel Winter.

Ok.

So, this is more like a big sister talking.

Sweet girl, you are beautiful.

However, there is a time and there is a place for everything.

Just because you can wear it doesn't mean that you should.

I know that women should not be judged based on what they wear. It's true. I know.

I know.

If the slits weren't so high, this could be ok.

Instead, this sexy Little Mermaid Ursula gown is wearing you.

You can do better.


Sigh.It's never comfortable to walk with fabric purposely going between your legs.


😔

Sigh.

::

Ok, now on to my favorites.

Ohmygosh, I love Sarah Paulson in this Carolina Herrera gown. I love it, love it, LOVE IT.

Kylee, why aren't you having this as your best dressed?

I'm not sure.

I love EVERYTHING about it.



Look at the back!



Gorgeous!

::

Next...

I gasped when I saw Susan Kelechi Watson wearing this Cristina Ottaviano gown.

The movement! The color! The look!

She.is.perfection. This is perfectly tailored to her body.

This is so great.


And my best dressed is easy: Jessica Biel.

I am so in love with the flow and elegance of this gown. I think it's because I'm short and have no waist and I know that if I wore this, it'd look like I was wearing Dorthy Zbornak's hand-me-downs.



This Ralph & Russo gown is amazing.


It just looks perfect on her.

And it was unlike anything else on the red carpet.

Fantastic styling, too.

Nicely done, Jessica.

Way to win life, Mrs. Timberlake.


Now, what did you think?

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