You say eclipse, I say excuses.

8/20/2017 07:53:00 PM

It seems to me that the solar eclipse provides the ideal excuse for just about anything.

The reason I think this is so: my children don't go back to school on Monday, August 21st, like we had anticipated and planned (and pined for) all summer long. Why? Because of the eclipse.

[insert upside down face emoji here]

I get it, I get it... even though we may catch 25% of the action down here on the Baja, no one wants to take the blame for the burning of minors' retinas.

That said.

Here are some of the things I plan on not doing, based on the fact that there's a total eclipse [of the heart].

1. The obvious one:

I can't go to work. What if I look at the sun?  There's an eclipse. I might look up while I'm on the clock. Then what? THEN WHO IS GOING TO DO THE MARKETING?

Easy solution: don't go.

2. The grammar-based one:

I'm sorry, I can't do anything today. I feel bad that the eclipse is getting all of the attention when ellipses never get any love...  You know... I mean...

3. The celebration one:

Oh man, I'll be at my house on Monday, August 21st during the solar eclipse celebrating Bonnie Tyler and her 1983 hit, "Total Eclipse of the heart."

Turn around, bright eyes...

...EVERY NOW AND THEN I FALL APART.

If we don't celebrate Bonnie now, when will we? In another 100 years?

4. The food-related one:

I am only going to eat food that starts with an an "e" on Eclipse Day, like eclairs.

And eggs. And extra-crunch peanut butter.

::

Ok, that's all.

My words of wisdom? Don't look at the sun ANY day.

And wear sunscreen.

AND another thing, I really wish I would have produced and marketed eclipse glasses. ENTIRE schools bought these things. Instant eclipsonaires.



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