The Academy Awards are always my favorite. The dresses. Yay.
(But before we get started, did anyone see the part when the people came through the theatre? The ones who thought they were on a Hollywood tour? Did anyone notice that the ONLY celebrity to stand up for all of the tourists was Ryan Gosling? THIS IS WHY PEOPLE LOVE HIM.)
So, it appears that modesty was pretty on-trend at this year's Oscars: long sleeves and high collars. In addition, gold and white seemed to be popular. Interesting.
Ok, let's get this party started.
Um... Halle Berry.
DOES SHE NOT AGE?
This woman is perfection. (I mean, she doesn't get older.)
Ok, now the Versace gown: It's stunning. She's gorgeous. Her styling is lovely... and her hair? So, so great.
SHE IS NOT GETTING OLDER?
What kind of serum is she using? Halp. I want to know more.
Not to be outdone, Emma Stone in Givenchy is stunning.
You guys, wow. I actually don't mind how the gown matches her skin tone... I'm kind of a fan when that happens. (TANNING IS BAD.)
In addition, I'm a fan of her side-swept bangs and of course, the classic red lips.
This is so, so pretty.
So it seems like Nicole Kidman and Emma Stone are sort of twinning, no?
THIS IS THE BEST Nicole has looked ALL awards season. (AmIRight?)
This Armani Prive gown is gorgeous. I love it. (I didn't chose it as my best dressed because I think that's just too easy.) But she looks SO stunning.
Moving on to the white dresses.
While I do not know who this actor is (I'm sorry), I do think she's very Pantene Pro-V-like. In addition, she looks gorgeous. I sort of like the deconstructed crepe-paper thing.
This is like taking the "prom" theme super literally.
"I'm actually going to wear the decor."
She sort of looks like a yet-to-be-unfolded paper snowflake.
Duh. Chrissy Tiegen looks stunning in this Zuhair Murad gown. It's just so regal and elegant and I love it. I love the belt. I love the understated shoe and I also love the earrings.
Kindly note the long sleeves. You'll see many, many more.
Felicity Jones in this Dior gown.
This is frumpy. No one wants to look frumpy.
I quite like this Stella McCartney gown on Karlie Kloss. I mean, lovely.
However, capes are so last year. Eh.
The only one who is still wearing a cape in 2017 is Vivi and YOU try to tell her that they're not on-trend this year. I'm certainly not.
So here's Hailee Steinfeld in this Ralph and Russo gown and I think it's super age-appropriate. It's whimsical, yet modern. However, I'll be honest, I think that may be one too many appliques.
It's totally ok to not wear all the things.
More long sleeves. Isabelle Hupert in this Armani Prive gown? STUNNING.
I want this.
Another white gown.
However, I think this might be the only geometric, angular, modern-esque gown I saw. Priyanka Chopra is also wearing a Ralph and Russo gown and I think it's so, so fun. Very cool.
Nope. I don't like this at all.
It's too underwear-y. And it's short. WEAR A BALL GOWN TO THE OSCARS.
(The shoes are fun, though.)
Lots of softer tones, but there were some colors, too!
Take for example Leslie Mann wearing this super-ginormous and puffy Zac Posen gown.
I mean, that's a lot of dress.
This is ew.
I think she's a doll, so this is nothing personal, but I don't like how wrinkly it is. It's just disheveled. And that bow in the front?
Childish. Nope. Hate it.
Scarlett Johanson is wearing Alaia and I like it.
It's fine. She looks pretty strong and independent. I like her styling, the hair, the dual bracelets -- all of it.
You know I like a print.
But the top? It just looks sort of blousy. No one looks good in "blousy". And no one under 70 years of age should use the word "blouse."
It's not a blouse. It's a shirt.
And your underwear? They're not "panties". They're underwear.
(Shivers. "Panties" are gross.)
Viola Davis looks fine in this Armani Prive. (There was soooo much Armani Prive.)
But... that's a halter.
And I can't handle it. And it doesn't look like that halter can handle the weight of the dress, therefore potentially strangling Viola. No one wants that.
I don't like this.
Ruth Negga is the perfect example of what we saw a lot of: the long sleeves, the high collar. And, well... I like the top. I despise the bottom.
I also don't like how the red gown doesn't even remotely match this tiara thing. Nope. I can't take it.
Nor can I take this.
You can't just eat (Or WEAR) only the red and purple skittles. You have to eat the whole bag.
Let's throw in the random cute couples:
So Kate McKinnon looked pretty. :)
Totally fine for a presenter. Boring. But fine.
I love, love, love Janelle Monae in this Elie Saab gown. It's fashion. It's totally full of everything, but if anyone can pull it off -- she can. I do, however, wish it covered a bit more of her up-top.
This is horrific.
...and she has access to some of the most amazing design houses... sigh...
Even Charlize Theron looks perplexed by this heinous Dior number.
It's so, so, so bad.
And don't say it "doesn't looks so bad."
You should never lie to yourself.
Ava DuVernay is STUNNING in this gown.
You guys: THIS is long-sleeves and a high collar DONE RIGHT.
Gorgeous. I couldn't love this more.
Love, love, LOVE.
The only other person I noticed wearing grey was Octavia Spencer wearing Marchesa.
It's lovely, though I would have liked to have seen it in a jewel tone.
SO... Taraji P. Henson is wearing navy velvet and I feel like I need to go buy a push-up bra.
Also wearing navy, Kelly Ripa?
Why was Kelly Ripa there?
(Did you recently hear that Regis reported that Kelly hasn't talked to him in years? That made me sad. REGIS GAVE YOU YOUR START, KELLY.)
And those butterflies look stupid.
I'll tell you who is teeny and cute and looked stunning, Michelle Williams in this Louis Vuitton.
This is a halter that I can accept.
I do, however, fear that the skirt-part isn't all that flattering, no?
There is ALWAYS one in every group: here's Kirsteen Dunst wearing a bridesmaid gown.
This is immeasurably boring.
And those shoes are wrong.
Ok, on to the looks I could barely stand to look at.
So here's Brie Larson wearing the world's most awkward train.
It honestly appears like it should have wheels attached to it so that it can go both forward and backwards. Like a samsonite carry-on.
What IS that?
And this styling?
Ok, so Alicia Vikander is stunning, but that's not what this is about.
This dress is horrific.
THIS is so, so, so sad.
I'm shaking my head.
And I think this is an obvious once.
Earning my Worst Dressed title, is Dakota Johnson.
Her Gucci gown.
Oh my gosh.
It's hideous. It actually looks like someone removed her lungs and tied them at the waist of her gown. I hate the color. I hate the sleeves. I hate the pleating. I hate all of this. I hate this.
I don't care if it's "vintage."
"Vintage" doesn't mean that you should wear it again.
So, the dress is bad enough... then you have the "styling."
More importantly, is there any styling?
So, so bad.
Dakota, I'm so sorry your "stylist" did this to you.
Not any better from this angle.
So, on to my favorites:
Here's Emma Roberts wearing a "sustainable" Armani Prive (again) gown.
It's stunning and regal and elegant.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this.
I am in absolute LOVE with this Kaufman Franco gown on Jessica Biel. Holy, holy wow.
EVERYTHING about it is amazing.
Is that necklace part of it? I'm not sure, but it's incredible.
ALL OF THIS IS absolute perfection.
Ok, now tell me. What did you think?