I "went away" for the first two years of college.
I lived in Toledo, Ohio and I learned about a small, liberal arts college that was just an hour south of my home in Bluffton, Ohio.
My Mom wasn't super healthy and going any further than that made me nervous.
So, in the fall of 1997 (I believe I was 17 at orientation?), off I went to the land of peacefulness. Bluffton College, now Bluffton University... what a time it was. The community, the town... my friends.
Back in 1997 I had no idea that I would soon be meeting a group of women that would be my support for the next twenty years.
Sigh... (I love you all.)
That said, one of the members of this core recently posted this on Facebook and I had to share it. I think it speaks for itself.
It moved me.
"I can be a pretty private person, but I believe the journey I've been on will resonate with at least one other person...
It's been 366 days, 1 year since I have weighed myself (except that one time, but I learned a valuable lesson that time).
Weighing myself was an addiction of sorts. I used to wake up many mornings and base my self-worth on what the scale told me.
Up 2 pounds? I am a horrible person who can't make good decisions.
Down .5 pounds? I am a good person worth being around.
Over the past year I struggled. With direction. With purpose. What is the point of eating healthy and working out if I can't judge myself and see results? I struggled with worthiness. You see, the scale was a major deciding factor of whether or not I was worthy that day.
I can remember my weight going back to my freshman year of high school, and at major crossroads in my life. I have it all tracked.
What I have learned this past year is the scale is a fickle judge. What I have learned is I am worthy. Period.
It took many hours of journaling, support of good friends, a husband willing to hide the scale, tears, frustration, reflection. And letting go.
And I can confidently say now that I feel free. The scale no longer lurks daily in my subconscious. It no longer haunts me, looming over my head and in my soul as the end all of worth and measurement.
Do I still struggle with my perception of my body? Yes. I am working on that, and it may be a lifelong struggle. But at least my external judge, the scale, is gone.
Oh, and what did I learn "that one time" when I weighed myself? That after 7 months of worrying, just "knowing" I was gaining weight, still letting the (now unknown) number on the scale rule me, I weighed the same. To the tenth of a pound. The exact same as 7 months prior. All of that focus and worrying was wasted energy.
And that moment is when I let go and accepted freedom from fickle judgement.
My hope for you all is that you can embrace yourself and find freedom this year and beyond."
In light of this, I'm going to follow the lead of my dear friend. Starting tomorrow, no scale. It's going away. For 30 days.
I relate to this.
We're so much more than the number on that scale.