Confession. (And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.)

11/08/2015 09:48:00 PM
Blah. (This is a long one. Get a snack.)

I think that sometimes we all need a, “We are human” reminder.

While I don’t think it’s necessary to list all of my faults, I feel a strong need to keep.it.real on the ‘ole blog. Let's do this.

Confession: Sometimes I feel like I’m not a good a terrible parent.


Seriously, sometimes I am beyond disappointed with myself.

Did I seriously just make a six-year-old cry because I couldn’t handle sitting one.second.longer doing her homework because I have other things to do? Was I rushing her and getting frustrated instead of teaching her? (Today, I didn’t understand Lila’s 1st grade Spanish math homework so my fly-off-the-handle-reaction, “Craig? IT IS TIME TO MOVE. I NEED TO MOVE TO A COUNTRY WHERE THE TEXT BOOKS ARE IN ENGLISH.”)

See? Not my finest moment.

Then there's the: “Mommy, can you play with me?”

No. Sometimes I can’t.
I just don’t have the time.
(Go ahead, scowl and tell me I’m terrible…. But know that I feel guilty about this because I LOVE MY CHILDREN. I swear, I do. But Mama’s gotta work... But then I hear, "Nobody ever wished they'd worked more whilst on their death bed..." GAH!)

But we live in a time where parents are ALWAYS supposed to have the time. We’re supposed to make everything pinterest-pretty and pack our kids themed-lunches in their bento boxes. We’re supposed to download timers that help them remember how long to brush their teeth (still shaking my head at that one) and we’re supposed to gently divert their attention instead of just losing it at the airport and saying, “SIT THERE. BE QUIET. I KNOW THIS IS BORING BUT LIFE CAN BE BORING.”

Sometimes I lose it and sometimes I’m mean.

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

::

Confession: Sometimes I feel like a terrible wife.


In the list of all of the things that must be planned, purchased, handled, coordinated, created, turned in, paid and made… my sweet husband sort of gets pushed aside. [Shamefully puts head down.]

Do I write him love notes like I used to 18 years ago? No.
But do I love him more than I ever have? Yes.

Could I be a more supportive and thoughtful wife? Of course.
Should I attempt to make him dinner (or any meal) more often? Probably.
Should I say thank you and be more kind? Yes.

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

::

Confession: I read emails and I don’t email back right away. I do the same thing with texts.

But the truth of the matter is that I feel like I have to defend myself because we live in a “NOW! WRITE ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU’VE READ THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE I SEE THAT YOU’VE READ IT” era . And, well… I’m sorry, I can’t. 

Sometimes I’m multi-tasking.  I’m making dinner, or checking my email in the line at school, or I’m working on being “present” with my kiddos and I glanced at my phone when I shouldn’t have… I fear that people who I love think that they don’t matter to me, or that I don’t love them… or that their problem or question or concern isn’t important to me because I forgot to write/text/email/call them back. In reality, I LOVE my people. I love my relationships. I just don’t have a ton of bandwidth.

P.S. I turned my notifications off on my phone(s). No Facebook messenger, no instagram, no Facebook, no twitter. The only thing I get? Texts. It's helped a lot. I like looking at a blank phone screen.

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

::

Confession: I always think I could do better…

I always think that I could be better at communication…

I think I could be a better sister…
Write a better blog…
Be a better communicator…
Be a better coach…
Be a better business owner…
Be a better leader…
Be a better friend…
Be a better wife…
Be a way better aunt...
Be a better Mom…

The doubt creeps in and I think, “Kylee… you need to step.it.up. You are royally screwing this up. Like big time."

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

(Full disclosure: I even think I could do better with petting the dogs. I’m serious: “I could be a better pet mama.”)

::

It appears that the list of  “To Do’s” will continue to grow, but what is for certain, my time is not increasing.

I cannot burn the candle at both ends. (Neither can you.)
I cannot go and go and GO and GO until I collapse. (Neither can you.)

Instead, I can get up… release the guilt for eating the dark chocolate candy bar in the airport because I needed a fast emotional response / comfort. Instead, I can breathe in deeply, exhale and say, “You can do this.”

And the only way I can do this, because I know me… and I know how I am, is if I take care of myself.

Amen?

I can only take care of everything and everyone else, if I take care of me.

I live by this:


"Take care of you, so that you can take care of them."

So… that’s where I am.
Pulled in so many directions, but doing the best I can. JUST LIKE YOU.

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

::

When things get a little crazy, I know I need to get back to my routine that calms me.

1.    I need to get up a half an hour earlier. When I do this, I'm happier. I'm not rushed.

2.    I need to sit quietly in silence for a couple of minutes each morning. Me + silence = necessary. I need to write down some affirmations, I need to visualize what I want my life to look like, I need to exercise, I need to read and I need to write. (Read the Miracle Morning. It’s cheesy – but I love the Morning routine - it's been a life changer for me.) I need to get back into my routine.

3.    And then I’m fine.

I’m a better Mom when I take care of me. I’m a better Mom when my body feels strong, when I’m eating well, when I’m sleeping at normal times, when I’m starting my day off optimistically and refreshed.

And, I sort of have a feeling that I’m not alone with this.

::

PSA of the day: Take care of you.

4 comments:

  1. Oh Kylee! This is why we love you so....you are real...honest. And you are doing a fine job as a mama & wife!!!! Phenomenal in fact! You are such an inspiration to many thru your blog and coaching! Even with your imperfect ways! We all are perfectly imperfect!! Thanks for always being open with yourself and sharing your life! I'm honored to be a small part of your circle!
    Much love!
    (Lisa mcallister)

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  2. It's true, you are not alone in this. Me? I need to stare at the TV for a hour every night and not talk and not think and then fall asleep on the couch. That's my unwind time. It is hard being a full-time parent, wife, employee *amd* a part-time tons-of-other-things. No one can do it all. We are human.

    And YOU are doing great! I'm also honored to be one of your peeps. :)

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  3. Dig that this is real and honest and totally relatable. I always stick to this: how would I respond to a girlfriend saying the things I'm saying? With kindness? With encouragement? With a swift kick in the ass? Whatever it is, I give it to myself and get on with gettin' on.

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  4. I loved reading this post. <3 Thanks for keeping it real, friend.

    ReplyDelete

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