Ok, so did you watch any of the Red Carpet?
It was a hot day in sunny Los Angeles and literally hearing every single CELEBRITY complaining about the heat whilst "walking" [they were walking; not participating in an Iron Man] the red carpet was exhausting.
They weren't even sweating in their OWN clothes, you guys.
I can't even.
Preface regarding the fashion in thsi post: in no way am I criticizing the women wearing the gowns*. I'm actually evaluating the gowns and the overall styling. These people are not putting together their own looks; their stylists are handling it. Again, I will not critique the women, I know they're real people - however, I will critique the gowns and the stylists'/celebrities' decisions. So there.
*I will critique Padma Lakshmi because I think she's chronically rude.
Let's jump right in and talk about my [usual] favorites: the prints.
So, as you know - I love the prints. Oh, I love the prints.
here's Tayonah Parris wearing what I consider to be a fun gown. It's fun, right?
But I think the big issue here would be the styling.
That hair, ya'll. That hair.
It's like Bruno Mars-poofy.
The dress is super fun and young, the hair is super dated.
Important note: I would not wear that dress.
Here's Zoe Kazan wearing what I feel like is another fun print. (I can see you all rolling your eyes at me right now.)
I mean, it's fun. It's the Emmys, not the Oscars. I like the styling. I like it all. Cute.
Chelsea Peretti looks so ridiculously bored of her outfit that I laughed out loud when I saw this photo. Whether or not she hates the gown, her overall posture certainly doesn't do it any favors.
This Gabriela Cadena ensemble is very, Snow White meets Elvira. (Does anyone else remember Elvira?)
I love her and the humor/irony of this hot mess is not lost on me.
So here's Emily Robinson wearing Kayat.
I love it.
Any sort of tapestry has me at "Hello."
(I should have been one of the Von Trapp children.)
It's sweet, it's simple, it's classic, it's elegant. It's age appropriate. Too cute.
So then there's this:
This is Emma Myles and this reminds me of movie theater / arcade carpeting.
I love orange (it's my favorite color) - but this is just heinous.
Now on to the colorless gowns.
I liked Amanda Peet's Michael Kors gown.
All of this was classically perfect for me. I love her red lip. I love the cut-out. I love it all. This is lovely.
(I would have given her a higher bun, though.)
LOOK at Amy Poehler! You guys! SHE LOOKS CUTE! I feel that the cut-out looks adorable on her. The bracelets* - everything - best I've seen her for any awards show.
*On second thought - maybe one too many bracelets? Still - most improved.
Felicity Huffman literally just came from the gym.
I've got nothing to say about her gown, but I will say that her hair is ... um, unfortunate.
But, on the bright side, her arms look amazing.
(But can she see them under those bangs?)
Here's Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. She looks perfect. Gorgeous. Slightly boring. But lovely.
So here's Julie Bowen pretty much wearing a variant of the dress above.
Total snooze fest.
You look fine, rah, rah, rah.
Oh look! Another variation of the exact same dress!
Boring. But, I appreciate the understated elegance that Lady Gaga demonstrated. Gracious.
Looky there! Gaga is growing up!
As far as I'm concerned, Julianne Hough was one of the smartest women there. It was hot (poor celebrities) so she put her hair up, stuck a headband on and BOOM! that was it.
I love her Marchesa gown. It's gorgeous and strappy and young and on-trend. I love it.
So here's Kate McKinnon and all I can think of is her playing Justin Bieber on SNL.
I think she looks lovely. Boring, but lovely. That bracelet is killing me, though.
[Move it down. You can feel that.]
Here's Taraji P. Henson wearing custom Alexander Wang.
Ok, so here's what I like: I like the chain straps. (Yes, I do.)
I like Taraji's sleek bob.
I don't even mind the sweetheart top.
Here's what I don't love: the little triangle cut out. (I don't get it.)
The sheerness. It's just too.much.
I don't even want to talk about Taryn Manning's gown because I'm boring myself.
Thank you for sticking with this post.
(The Emmys didn't give me a lot to work with this year.)
So, on to color!
I think Ariel Winter looks gorgeous in this Ramona Kaveza gown. The silhouette is perfect. The hair, the cut of the dress, the fit, the fun design element/neckline - love it all. She looks lovely.
So there was a lot of this boning, underwear-as-outer-wear thing happening at the Emmys this year.
I mean, it's fine. Whatever. I don't hate this. But I don't like that Elisabeth Moss' lips don't match her gown. Either match it or do a nude lip. You can't do a red-like lip with that gown. You just can't.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT.
See? Bra-top on the outside. Here's Tracee Ellis Ross. I think it's a fun gown.
It's very Steel Magnolias. Would I wear it?
More structured top. This time by Kiernan Shipka from Mad Men. She's such a cutie. She looks like a happy kid in this Dior ensemble. (Yeah, as a kid I totally wore Dior. AND JC Penney for my non-Red Carpet events. Yup.)
As a Mom, I'm pleased she threw those black pants on because, young lady that dress would have been far too short had you not included the leggings.
(You know she whipped those pants off for the after-parties. KIDS.)
Also from Mad Men is Jessica Parre.
I don't know.
There's like a knot at the top. And it's just really pink. I don't know. It's very Oil of Olay for me.
Um, so January Jones is not messing around. She's ALL business.
She's like, "Listen, I'm wearing a pantsuit in case I have to run after a criminal... AND I've got this starfish, fern-like, marijuana-esque broach on my hip that actually is a weapon... so...."
This is killing me. I cannot abide the overly-round up-top
Just eh for me.
SO this is a classic case of, "I liked them both, so I wore them both."
BAD move, Laura Prepon. While you look to be enjoying the day, it appears that your Christian Siriano gown is STUNNING but the shrug just.doesn't.go.with.it.
I KNOW! I have to do a double-take in the mirror nearly every morning. Eliminate. Streamline. Edit. It's ok to edit.
Mindy Kaling I love you.
But this gown makes you look old.
You are young and hot and vivacious and awesome. And THIS? It is not awesome.
So, LaVerne Cox looks amazing in this Calvin Klein gown. Great hair. Amazing color. LOVE.
Lauren Lapkus looks gorgeous.
You know, sometimes you just want to go big. I mean, sometimes you're like, "THIS IS MY NIGHT AND I AM GOING TO SHINE."
So Niecy Nash wore this.
Now it will be returned to Dolly Parton and/or another Nashville star.
So this is Padma Laskshmi, and I'm sorry, but I find her to be the least relatable celebrity EVER. In the pre-show with Giuliana Rancic, Giuliana was complimenting Padma on how "gorgeous her skin" looked and Padma was like, "I think it's because I eat better than most women."
She then proceeded to say a few more completely unrelatable and passive aggressive comments.
Oh, I don't even want to talk about your dress.
I need to go eat a twinkie and drink a pop/soda because I eat terribly.
This Stella McCartney gown is too short. I like the whole look and the styling, but why is it so short in the front?
Either make it purposefully shorter, or make it longer. I can't sleep at night with a hem like that.
Also wearing yellow was Heidi Klum.
So, I like the right side (my right.)
I don't love the left side (the pirate side.)
I mean, it's Heidi. This is better than what she normally gives us, no?
So here's Amy Landecker. Her gown sort of reminds me of the trees that come alive in The Wizard of Oz. Remember them? The ones that throw apples at the scarecrow, Dorothy and the Tin Man?
I don't hate it, though.
I just keep watching her for apple-throwing.
Amy Schumer makes me laugh. That's one good smokey eye. :)
She looks lovely and that Zac Posen gown reminds me of my favorite crayon: midnight blue.
(It just COLORS SO WELL.)
WHO LET CHRISTINA HENDRICKS WEAR THIS? This Naeem Khan gown literally has me shaking my head while I'm writing.
It's just too much.
So Gina Rodriguez looks like she's wearing a wedding gown, which is not event-appropriate.
If we were watching Say Yes to the Dress, I'd love this. But we're not.
So I felt for Giuliana Rancic. During the E! Red Carpet it was allegedly 106 degrees and this poor woman was wearing like 15 lbs of hair extensions + beads. (Was that mean? I'm sorry if it was.)
I do love Giuliana and honestly, long sleeves - yikes?
That poor woman.
She's gorgeous. And if I have to pick sides between her and Kelly Osbourne, I'm totally on her side.
There. It's in writing.
I loved this on Jamie Alexander.
Modern. Chic. Very technological.
This Giorgio Armani Privé gown was fab*
*Yep, I said "fab".
Nope. I just don't love the nude/mauve look. I find it to be just eh.
Ditto. (See above.)
Bah-ring on the sparkle.
So, Kerry Washington looks stunning in this Marc Jacobs number. I LURVE it.
Love it, love it, love it.
Ok, so I hate halters, but I like this one.
I love the color, I love her hair, but there's just way.too.much.fabric happening. It doubles her width.
Women don't want their widths to be doubled. (Word? Amen?)
Maisie Williams looks age-appropriate and cute.
But the shoes are very Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Is that another out-of-touch reference that's beyond your memory?)
No with the bow. You're a grown woman. Not a gift.
So Anna Chlumsky's gown was strange.
Why the flower web?
Why the prom hair?
The flesh-like-fabric under your gown is just tiresome.
I can't get into it anymore.
Regina King is adorable. I normally wouldn't love this gown, but I think she looked stunning in it. I think it just worked.
And the length was perfectly acceptable, too. Looks great.
It's chic, Absolutely.
Would I wear it? Nope.
But it's cool.
Sarah Paulson looks cool.
Here's Sophia Turner wearing Galvin and I would like it if it weren't for the choker.
I hate the choker.
I usually hate all chokers.
Except for then they're called "collars" and they're on "canines."
This is ill-fitting.
I'm sorry, not sorry.
But it is.
It's too bad.
Sarah Hyland looks GORGEOUS in this Zac Posen gown. It's perfect. I love the monochromatic look. Gorgeous!
And...moving on to the worst dressed...
Who let Uza Aduba wear this? I hate it. I hate it so much. This beautiful woman is wearing an ill-fitting halter (oh... halters...) and it appears to look like an apron at first glance.
This is unfortunate.
I feel for her. She was led astray.
But her "Thank you" speech?
BRILLIANT. I just wish she could have been wearing something better.
This is just too easy.
Of course Kathryn Hahn is on the worst dressed list.
The pointy sides on the up-top.
The asymmetrical ruffles.
The other part in the back sort of just hanging down?
I actually really like the pattern on the top - it's just the rest that's a hot mess.
And we'll let her hair be because remember, "it was just so hot."
Sofia Vergara's gown was too tight.
She looks awful.
What is this? NO.
Why is that fabric sort of just hanging off of her left gal?
And this was just easy.
Worst-dressed goes to Naomi Grossman.
For obvious reasons.
Grown women do not need to show their belly buttons.
So, on to the looks that I just.really.liked.
I loved the elegance and the simplicity of this gown on Aubrey Plaza. I just love it.
The whole look is perfection.
I adore this Prada gown on Claire Danes. The chains were so cool.
I don't know. It just resonated.
I was kind of dying over Ellie Kemper's Brandon Maxwell gown.
I love the colors. I love the design. I love, love, love this.
(I think she loves it, too.)
So I also loved this old-world Hollywood, art-deco gown that Emma Roberts wore. I thought that everything was spot-on and perfect.
So did you see Joanna Newsom's Delpozo gown?
It brought a smile to my face.
Thank you for bringing FASHION to the Emmys.
This is wonderful. She looks perfect.
And my second all-time favorite?
I grew up watching "Who's the Boss" and I was thrilled to see Angela Bauer / Judith Light looking so gorgeous.
I love, love, LOVE this gown.
(It's a pattern. It includes orange. It's a hit for me.)
And my absolute favorite? (Maybe because I want to be her friend?)
You guys, it's fun, it's light, it's perfect.
(She seems delightful.)
What did you think?