[Before we start this, let's confirm that I wholly support #askhermore. Are you aware of it? It's the notion that women on the red carpet are more than what they're wearing. Read here. I support and celebrate the women wearing these gowns and more importantly, the designers who created them.]
Let's start with Jennifer Lopez. (Spoiler alert. She's not my Best Dressed.)
That Elie Saab Couture gown was a sensational match to Jennifer Lopez' gorgeous skin. However, her uptop was a distraction.
There. I said it.
That gown should have been on someone with smaller orbs. It's too much. We know you have them [insert exasperated eye roll] why do you always have to show them?
Gorgeous gown, though.
Let's move on to the other Jennifers.
Here's Jennifer Hudson in Ramona Keveza. This is fine. Her body is incredible but this is very Wednesday-night-Vanna-White to me.
"Yes, there are three E's. Would you like to solve the puzzle?"
I like it.
Cate Blanchett is wearing a simple black Maison Margiela gown and a statement necklace.
I don't know.
Ok, I do know.
THIS IS SO BORING.
While I like this combo, it's just very appropriate for work (if you hack off the train.) I mean. Come on. For the most part black doesn't seem to translate well to the camera and red carpet.
To prove my point, more boring black:
Sienna Miller in Oscar de la Renta.
I'm sure it's nice.
We just can't see it.
I rarely speak of the men, but I like change! Let's chat about them.
Here's Adam Levine with his lovely wife Behati Prinsloo.
Whatever. I'm not blown away by either one of them. But you can't deny their attractiveness.
Well, you actually can.
I chose to.
Bradley Cooper is handsome. Nicely done. Very nicely done. He looks like a movie star.
Ethan Hawke, for some reason, reminds me of my Grandpa. I loved him in Boyhood and on the red carpet interviews. Affable and kind.
This is Ansel Elgort wearing a blue tux.
(This is a struggle for me, too.)
Eddie Redmayne is a doll.
(I watched The Theory of Everything over the weekend... this could be influencing my opinion.)
I like this blue better than the previous blue. (It's arguable whether or not they're the same blues. We'll leave that to the professionals at Ernst & Young.)
UDATE as of 2/23/2015 9:43 a.m. I can't believe I forgot to talk about David Oyelowo.
I loved his crimson colored tux. Total score for me.
Common looked fantastic.
I like the white bow tie.
Where did Tim McGraw go?
Is he aging in reverse?
Just like the struggle, Benjamin Button is real.
These two are more than I can handle.
It's a toss up as to who is more thrilled to be there.
God bless John Stamos and Mario Lopez.
Who would have ever thunk that Full House and Saved by the Bell would have kept them "relevant" in 2015?
Uncle Jesse and Slater 4-eva.
My Best Dressed (for the fellas) goes to Michael Keaton.
A.) He's 64. (YOU GUYS.)
B.) I loved, loved, loved Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
C.) He was the best Batman
D.) He's in the best shape of his life, no?
Next, worst Dressed (male) is a tie between Will I Am and Jared Leto.
Will I Am is wearing a costume and Jared Leto is wearing me out.
Back to the ladies (whew, I know.)...
Here's America Ferrara wearing a Jenny Packham gown.
I don't know, you guys. For every awards show there's always at least one Greek-themed goddess. While the color is acceptable, I deplore that belt.
Here's Anna Faris wearing Zuhair Murad.
And it's great.
You guys, this is what you wear to the Oscars as a non-nominee. It's fantastic. I love it.
I refuse to say anything negative about Anna Wintour.
It's bad karma.
In 1996, I would have thought this entire look was absolutely stunning.
This is Carmen Ejogo and this is not great.
It's a print. (Score.)
It's different. (Score.)
I shan't say anything about Chloe Grace Moretz in this Miu Miu gown.
I will say, however, that Miss Chloe should remove her hands from her pockets for at least five minutes. On the red carpet: hands in pockets. Presenting an award: hands in the pocket.
ENOUGH. Pockets are cool on dresses, but, enough already.
Speaking of Miu Miu, Kerry Washington is also dressed in the same designer.
This is fine. I mean, it's boring and it reminds me of the "separates" that my bridesmaids were able to choose from for my wedding. (The same separates that I was convinced that they'd wear "separately" again... but whatever.)
Dear Jennifer Lopez, this is how you wear a deep V.
Jenna Dewan Tatum, you look perfect. (In Zuhair Murad.)
Man. The Deep V's were super in, no?
Here's Chrissy Teigen wearing brown lipstick and a light blue deep V by yes, Zuhair Murad. (Kindly note that this is the same designer as above.)
So Oprah looks amazing in her Vera Wang gown. Beautifully draped, stunning. (I love her hair.)
Then there's Gayle King, Oprah's BFF. (This must be how Solange used to feel?)
Is your dress on backwards? I just don't get it.
Giuliana Rancic is wearing a Mireille Dagher gown and I hate it.
Ohmygosh, stop it. Those appliques.
I just can't stop shaking my head. Total miss. I hate this.
It's hurting me.
Speaking of flowers, here's Ms. Paltrow wearing Ralph and Russo.
I'll be really honest: the color is muy, muy elegante. I love it. And I sort of am feeling the flower, too.
All of this is great. I like it. I'm enjoying the pale pink. It's very Glinda the Good Witch a la 2015.
This one is the latter.
This Yanina Couture on Jamie Chung is just screaming, "I want to skate with Brian Boitano!"
So here's Jessica Chastain wearing the most confusing gown of the evening by Givenchy.
It's like a little black sequins dress with a navy dress over it.
This gown, that shoe, that necklace, her hair - this whole look is just not flattering.
Jessica Chastain is gorgeous.
This was a total miss/mess. [sadly]
This makes me smile.
Here's Keira Knightly as Mother Earth in Valentino.
Ain't no one able to deny that Ms. Knightley has been embracing her femininity this entire awards season.
It makes me smile.
This Keltie Knight character has a mean stance, no?
Kelly Osbourne looks absolutely lovely.
Now this is black done right.
Love this Rita Vinieris number.
This Lady Gaga thing doesn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, recently I've felt like she's been kind of traditional and boring.
This 50's housewife, complete with orange oven mits schtick is really working for me. I'll take it.
When's the casserole ready? (I love that totally comfortable arm stance.)
This gown is by Alaia and Lady Gaga rocked it during the show, no? I love, love, loved her performance. The whole time I kept thinking, "Is that voice coming from her?"
So while we're talking about white, perhaps Lupita Nyong'o needs oven mitts for her ensemble? To make it more...er... exciting?
I don't care if this is a custom designed "Calvin Klein Collection" covered in 7 billion pearls.
And Lady Gaga's is better.
I see this Alberta Ferretti gown on Laura Dern and I'm all, "Whoa. She's taking no prisoners. SOMEONE GIVE HER THAT OSCAR. She's hard core."
This whole thing is a little much for me.
But I do like her bang schwoop, though. Fun.
Louise Roe w
UDATE as of 2/23/2015 - 9:08 am: I'm revising the review of this gown. I think it looks like a bruise. I don't like it.
Sometimes the morning after allows for perspective.
And the award for the most fantastic model stance goes to Margot Robbie in this Saint Lauent gown.
I believe this is just how it's done.
Patricia Arquette looks absolutely gorgeous in this Rosette Getty gown. The best she's ever looked. Fantastic. (I was so happy when she won her Oscar.)
While I just confirmed that Patricia Arquette looked the best she's ever looked, dare I say that Reese Witherspoon doesn't maybe look as awesome as she normally does?
Was it the Tom Ford gown? I don't know...
I think it's the dramatic part down the middle combined with the flatness on her hair... maybe? I just couldn't get on board with this whole look.
White is not flattering on anyone. And this gown is just not working for me.
Solange Knowles looks so cool in this Christian Siriano.
And I love her hair.
(She looks happy, no?)
Oh, Viola Davis...
Zoe Saldana is a gorgeous, gorgeous woman.
And this Versace gown is a really great color.
She looks lovely.
Those straps completely detract from the dress, though.
As does that Claire's prom necklace.
Didn't Robin Roberts look lovely?
Exactly what a news correspondent should have worn.
Rita Ora's Marchesa gown is ill-fitting.
Enough of this filler, on to the Worst Dressed of the Evening...
Oh, Anna Kendrick.
I heart you.
I follow you on Instagram!
But this Thakoon custom gown is so bad.
Who wears salmon?
With a diamond halter/choker?
You are far too tiny and petite and young and cute to wear this ridiculousness.
And next is precious Felicity Jones in Alexander McQueen.
This is by far, the most fashionable neck brace I've seen in quite some time.
[shakes head and looks away]
So I always wonder how celebrities have children and they grow up in Hollywood and they're grounded and normal human beings.
Did you happen to see the interview pre-show with little miss Dakota Johnson and her mom, Melanie Griffith?
It was painful. Dakota, who is about 28? Acted like she was 14. Complete with frustrated teen-angst body language and eye-rolling. I wanted to reprimand her by limiting her screen time and taking away her cell phone.
She's a child.
Therefore this dress is dumb solely based on the wear-er. (I'm sorry Saint Laurent.)
Grow up, little lady.
Entitlement is never pretty.
Next, there's Nicole Kidman wearing Louis Vuitton.
I can't stop shaking my head.
Why is it tinged yellow on the front?
I don't understand the red belt.
I don't know how to fix this.
But she does look happy, no?
I feel like this is such a no-brainer.
The WORST dressed of the evening was: Naomi Watts. (It's almost as bad as her American accent in Birdman. Yikes.)
Is happening here?
This Armani Prive gown has just gone wrong.
The stringy halter straps.
Is that a tube top?
Is there a train?
By far. The worst gown of the night.
Now on to what I love...
I will preface this by saying that I, unlike most normal awards shows, did not immediately have a favorite. I usually spot my fave on the red carpet and I fall in love immediately. Not really this time...
Still, I have five highlights.
5. Marion Cotilliard wearing Dior.
Oh man. I loved this.
I love, love, loved it.
I simply love this. Thank you for doing something different.
4. Scarlett Johansen.
Oh man. That color. That fabric. The styling. I love all of this.
This, dear friends, is perfection.
I love this Versace gown.
The fit is ideal. It's elegant, yet powerful.
3. Julianne Moore.
This Chanel number is just different from what anyone else was wearing. It's phenomenal. Especially on her.
She can pull off the white, can't she?
Her hair, her lips, the gown -- all of it is as it should be.
This gown is timeless.
It's elegant and sophisticated and exactly what a star should wear.
Her hair, her lips - the styling was spot on.
Did you see the back? It was open and perfect.
And finally, my Best Dressed:
1. Rosamund Pike.
There is something about the red, red, red of this Givenchy gown and the shade of her skin that sings to me. (Yep, "sings".)
Look at this last pic, she is astounding.
That delicate neckline.
Nicely done, Rosamund. Very nicely done.
What did you think?
And finally, I'll leave you with my favorite part of the show.
It's when J.K. Simmons was accepting his Oscar for the Best Supporting Actor. He said this during his acceptance speech:
"Call your Mom. Everybody. Call your Mom and call your Dad. If you're lucky enough to have a parent, or two, alive on this planet... Call them. Don't text, don't email. Call them on the phone. Tell them you love them and thank them and listen to them for as long as they want to talk to you."
J.K. Simmons, acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor, Oscars 2015
Amen::(As always friends, this is all in good fun. Thanks for reading! And, I watched Birdman and The Theory of Everything this weekend -- definitely watch The Theory of Everything. Boyhood is great, too.)
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