2014 Emmy Fashion Recap

Monday night note: (Ignore spelling and grammar errors. It's late and I'm tired.)

Updated Tuesday, August 26 8:01 a.m. MT. I forgot a few things last night.




Of course I stayed up to watch the Emmys.
On a Monday night.
Wearing my Grandma's rhinestone bracelet. (Thank you, Aunt L.)
Drinking some champagne.



While I would have preferred that my boyfriend Jimmy Fallon hosted the show, Seth Meyers was fine. :) I find him entertaining enough. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson cracked me up. Weird Al was ridiculous. Jon Hamm is hot. That little stint with Sofia Vergara was ridiculously sexist and angered me. Come on. 

But we're not here to talk about the hosting and the show... we're here to talk about the fashion.

So, let's put it all out there. Like Christine Hendricks did. Christine is wearing Marchesa and I'm blown away by her stunning body, but I despise all of her accessories. Too.Much.Gold, Flavor Flav. And ruching? I'm over it.



Also in red was Claire Danes wearing Givenchy. I believe she just won some sort of chili pepper Olympic game because she's clearly wearing the head wreath around her neck.

Congratulations, Claire!

This gown does nothing for me.

Just like her side part.


Giuliana Rancic is now blonde. Just like I was when I got married. And see, the thing was, no one told me, so I will tell her:

Giuliana, you are beautiful, but I think perhaps that brunette suits you better.

But in spite of that, your gown is lovely. I especially loved the fuchsia in the train folds. Pink and red are the coolest.

P.S. Are you thinner? Are you ok?




Next is January Jones wearing Prabal Gurung and see, here's the thing:

It's a high-low gown. This means, we see her shoes even though we don't, maybe, need to?

I love the fabric - you know I love patterns, but high-low dresses should only be worn on salsa dancers and Cha-Cha DiGregorio in Grease. 



And her bangs look greasy. (Don't hate me.)



Also in red, Julia Louis-Dreyfus wearing Carolina Herrera. I believe her dress was "raspberry" - but still in the red family.

I mean, as a general Rule of Life, I don't care for halters. I hate them.

Still, Ms. Louis-Dreyfus looks stunning. I can only pray to look that good when I'm 53.


So next is Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting. She's wearing Monique Lhuillier. It's cute, no?

You guys, I love this. I adore red and pink together. I love me a pattern. I love the texture. I love the tule. I love the neckline. I love that this is FUN.

Kaley, the name for which I've been mistaken all my life, looks great.


And then there's Minnie Driver in Marchesa.

There's always one ice skater in every show. Hack this off at the (very unflattering) mid-thigh and toss it over to Nancy Kerrigan to wear it on the 2014 winter tour of Ice Queens.

Barf.





Octavia Spencer looks lovely. As always she's in Tadashi Shoji. She's very loyal.

She needs lipstick, though.



Here's Shauna Robinson in another red dress.

I know.

...

...

...

What? I was sleeping...


Mindy Kaling is wearing a halter by Kenzo. Ugh.
But I really love her so that's all that I'll say.

(She looks so pretty.)



Uzo Aduba is wearing a dress that everyone has worn to some awards show.

So ridiculously boring.

I can't even.



I'm worried about Lisa Rinna. 



And then there's our, "STOP TANNING AWARD" that shall be awarded to Heidi Klum. The truth of the matter is that she looks far better than she normally does (i.e. her up-top isn't hanging up and she doesn't have a slit up to her you-know-what), but still: stop tanning OR spray-tanning. You look like a cheese-it. Or an Entertainment Tonight host.



Moving on to other fun colors, here's Kate Walsh in Stephane Rolland.

EVERY BONE IN MY BODY WANTS TO HATE THIS. I mean, it has cap sleeves. And an asymmetrical ruffle. With sequins.

BUT... alas... it's fine. I like it. enough. whatever.

Let's consider YELLOW. WHO WEARS YELLOW? The Man with the Yellow Hat and Big Bird, that's who.

AND... Kate Walsh.

Nicely done.

You're an individual.

I like it.



So guys, this is how you wear blue. Kiki Palmer is wearing Rubin Singer.

And, I am smitten.

The structure. The color on her skin. The deep-V.

What a gorgeous woman.

P.S. Her clutch doesn't match. I would have given her a Perfect 10 had it been orange. (Because orange is great.)





I sort of feel badly for Mayim Bialik that she has to follow that lovely lady, but I also feel like this:

She looks gorgeous. As an orthodox Jew, modesty is uber-important to her and I respect, respect, respect that. She looks lovely.

AND she's brilliant. Ph.D. in neuroscience, guys. NEUROSCIENCE.



Also in a fun color, Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta.

It's cute. Kinda nice to see her traditional heavy-bangs and 50's style thrown to the wayside.

Nice enough.

(Has she had work done?)


So, Vanessa Williams certainly can ROCK a wrap dress/peplum.

WOW.

I love her blue accessories, too. I mean, she's gorgeous.


Next is Laura Prepon in Gustavo Cadile. Ok, first of all it appears that she is having a fantastic time, which I love. Secondly, that hair, those eyes, that skin, and that Frozen-inspired dress? I love it all.

It's sort of a fun, young, hot mess. I love the two different colors. It's purposefully disheveled.

I like it. She's gorgeous.




Then, there are the nudies and the whites and earth tones.

Lucy Liu looks amazing in Zac Posen.

Oh, the draping. It's all just pretty perfect, isn't it?


Well, and then there's Camila Alves and Matthew McConaughey.

She's perfect.

And, so there's that.



And now Sofia Vergara in Roberto Cavalli. 

I know. Whatever. She's kind of like Halle Berry. 

I mean, as if she could look bad. 

(But her little sketch during the telecast pushed womens' rights back about 50 years. Mil gracias, Sofia.)


Taylor Schilling is wearing a halter by Zuhair Maurad.

SIGH.

SOMEONE TELL HER.

This dress is far too mature for her. And it's far too long. Just eh.


Little Kiernan Shipka from Mad Men is always dressed appropriately. Here she is in Antonio Berardi.

You guys, she's 14.

When I was 14 I was wearing converse All-star high tops EVERY.SINGLE.DAY and sitting on the sink in the bathroom picking at my skin.

Beautiful.


Earning our, "Best You Have Ever Looked at an Awards Show" award is Kristen Wiig. Holy wow. Most improved.

Here she is in Vera Wang. And bad shoes.

Nice. (Except for the shoes.)

As a 5' 4" person who has always wanted to wear a "slip dress" - I'm envious.

(I need to cut my hair.)



I won't pretend that I know who Alexandra Daddario is, but I like her Reem Acra gown. And her lips. But I fear that her dress is slightly transparent. No?


So, I love Allison Williams' Giambattista Valli gown. It's whimsical and lovely. It works for me.

No complaints here.

The pulled back hair kills me, though. Just boring.


So here's Amanda Crew in Max Azaria.

SHE IS TWENTY-EIGHT.

I hate this. I've seen more exciting fabric napkins than this gown.



Amanda Peet is pregnant, therefore, she earns a "Get out of Jail Free" card.

That's all.

But someone tell me, is it Easter? Are peeps in the stores yet?


 Anna Chlumsky looks gorgeous in Zac Posen. This photo doesn't do the dress justice, it was lovely.


Julianne Hough looks like a ridiculous hot mess. WHAT? That hair. That stupid bow. Those shoes. 

She looks like a walking tic-tac.


So here's Kate Mara wearing J.Mendel and I like it. This is a hot mess that WORKS. The top is gorgeous.


Here's Kelly Osbourne wearing Honor. It's a high-low dress, which is against the law. This whole thing isn't working for me.


BUT WHO LOOKS GREAT? 

Amy Poehler does! 

Wow! In Theia, she looks stunning. DARE I SAY: this is the best that Amy has looked in centuries.

I like it.


I also think that Hayden Panetierre looks gorgeous in Lorna Sarbu.

Show that bump.


So, Gwen Stefani (or this person who faintly resembles Gwen Stafani) is wearing Atelier Versace.

I hate it.
I hate it.
I don't care if it's covered in swarovski crystals. I hate it.

(Is it me, or as these women age are they hardly recognizable?)


You know, Debra Messing looks age appropriate. 

Do I love the dress? 

No. 

Do I think it would be cute if it were cut shorter so you could wear it to an afternoon tea? 

Maybe. 

Would I ever wear it? 

No.


All of this is bad. Jessica Pare's Lanvin gown is horrendous. (More ruching gone bad). That ridiculously enormous pendant necklace kills me. (Is it a choker? It sort of looks like a choker. Unforgivable.) Her slicked to the side hair? I can't.

This is just bad. Awful. Do-over.


Kate McKinnon from Saturday Night Love will KICK YOUR @#$ if you don't like her dress.

Seriously? 

I dare you to tell her you don't like it.


I love Lizzy Kaplan's Donna Karan number. The cut-outs are great. The slicked back, side-parted hair (like everyone else) works for her. BUT, I can't completely forgive the neckline (halter).

And a train?

It's pompous.




Cutest couple: Ben Falcone and Melissa McCarthy. (I'd like to be her best friend. Her daughter is Vivian. I think that's a basis for a friendship, right?)


Stop it.

You KNEW I'd love this. Sarah Paulson is rocking this Armani Prive.

HOW FUN IS THIS? It's not like you can wear this to your family reunion. WEAR IT.

I love, love, love it.


She's enjoying it, too.

I need this.



Speaking of Sarahs. Sarah Silverman looked AMAZING in Marni. This is the best she's ever looked. I liked the top, but the box-pleats look like drapes.

She's sexy on top and super Sound of Music on the bottom. Which, might be what she was going for, I don't know her.


Lena Headey in Rubin Singer and Julianna Margulies both looked lovely in black. Kinda boring for me, but whatever.



Of course I like this pop of orange on Natalie Dormer in J.Mendel. Her hair looks fantastic, too. (I love big hair.


Natasha Lyonne in Opening Ceremony. I think this is adorable. I adore the sleeves and the fanning out at the bottom and the lace. Her Bed Hair is a little "eh", but I believe it was uber-hot there last night, so I'll give her that.

 The shoes just really bother me. Are they black?



SO, you know I love prints. I don't know this woman, but I love this dress. She's Betsy Brandt and I would love to own this gown.

AND SHE IS WEARING PURPLE SHOES. Which is laudable.

This needs to be mine. Nice.


I like this print, too. Louise Roe looks amazing. (Another one with smashed-back hair.)


I liked Cat Deely's getup, too. Different.

Different is good.

So are carbs.



Julie Bowen was nearly my worst dressed in this Peter Som wreck of a dress. How can you have a cuff on your neck like that?


Ok, now for the worst.

I feel like I'm insulting Ellen Burstyn, but it appears that Katherine Heigl was wearing Ms. Burstyn's outfit. Some sort of tragic mix-up.

THIS IS HORRENDOUS.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!


(But doesn't Ellen Burstyn look pretty?)


Another horrible one: Taryn Manning. It appears that there was a Big Summer Blow Out (who-who) at the Wheel of Fortune set and Vanna White was all, "Who wants my clothes?" and Taryn Manning was all, "I have to go to the Emmys. I'll take that gold lame number."

And there you have it.

Horrendous.

No one looks pretty in a an accordion pleat.

And that dress is too short.

And I can BET you can't lift your arms up with your hoots poppin' out.


And then there's Laverne Cox in Marc Bouwer. 

She actually had just attended a wedding shower and had participated in the toilet paper wedding dress challenge and liked her dress so much she wore it to the Emmys.

This isn't good.


And while I adore Kerry Washington and think she's a doll... There are far more dresses that would have looked much better on her. This Prada number seems to be slightly ill-fitting and not on straight. And that under-neath black sequins peak-a-boo addition pains me.

Like it physically gives me pain.




Speaking of pains, this also hurts me, but I have to do it. I hate this. My WORST dressed of the night goes to Lena Dunham in this frumpy shirt (cap sleeves!) and long tulle ombre skirt.

 I just... I just can't.

No.

Worst dressed.



Now, let's talk about my favorites.

Michelle Dockery in Rose Assoulin. This gown pleases me. The colors. It's elegant. It's different.

Two thumbs up. I love the hint of pink.



I adored Julia Roberts Elie Saab dress. A.) She's a consummate professional - smiling every which way. B.) She was the only one to wear a SHORT gown  and C.) She looks AMAZING.

Stunning woman.


She's endearing.


And, next I have TWO favorites: Tayonah Parris looks AMAZING and happy and light and free! I adore this Christian Siriano gown.

Oh, I love this.

She's a delight.

And I LOVE hair piled on the top of her head. ;)





And finally, dare I say, the best of the night for me was Sarah Hyland in Christian Siriano!

I love her hair.
I love the full skirt.
I love the top.
Her makeup looks great.
Her minimal accessories are spot on.

This.is.perfect.






And that's all.

What did you think?

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9 comments:

  1. gah! your recaps are the BEST. i never (or rarely, anyway) have a chance to actually watch the award shows, but i generally know when they're coming up, and i'm always so giddy to read YOUR take on the red carpet! you never disappoint. :) thanks for the ease into my workday. excellent work. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AH! You're too kind. :) Thank you so much. Have a great day!

      Delete
  2. I totally agree with you 100%! So many of these woman are anorexic. It's sad. :-(

    Melissa McCarthy is so pretty! I love her too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly, and if they look that thin on CAMERA - can you imagine how thing they are in **real life**?

      Delete
  3. my god, is that really Gwen Stefani?????????

    (ten million more question marks)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, it's the waxy, alien-version of Gwen Stefani.

      (Sad, no? Very Stepford.)

      Delete
  4. I agree with Angie, I rarely watch the shows (especially not with Jaime gone, that was her thing *sigh*), but MAN do I love your fashion recaps. Spot on! And I hardly recognize a few of those ladies with the anorexia / plastic surgery crap going on. Ew!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First off, hug for Jaime. The firsts... :( Oh, the firsts.

      Secondly, thank you. And I concur - far too much Botox and not-eating happening in Hollywood.

      (Hug again.)

      Delete

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