Teaching tolddlers to blow their noses is an oxymoron.

I'd like to submit this to the universe:

If children under the age of five would just learn to blow their noses the incidence of illness would decrease by 84%.

This is a scientific fact. On my blog.



My eldest child boasts four years and 3 months and she has been perpetually ill: chronic ear infections, tubes, adenoid removal, tonsils removal - you name it. And I submit that if she would just learn to blow her flippin' nose life would be different.

Right now, the little lady has a cough that won't go away... congestion, runny nose, sniffing, grossness.

BUT IF SHE WOULD JUST LEARN TO BLOW HER NOSE...

And I've tried to teach her.

I've placed a tissue in front of her nose and showed her how she can "move it" if she breathes out from her nose. Each time she nearly inhales the tissue. Into her nostrils. Which can't be good. Completely not the goal here. We want less in the nose, not more.

IF SHE WOULD JUST LEARN TO BLOW HER NOSE...

She's also enrolled in swim class twice a week and because of her ear issues she looks like the little girl from Little Miss Sunshine.

Ear plugs? Check.
Ear band? Check.
Swim cap? Check.


All of this in order to keep runny noses and congestion and the itchy-throat, post-nasal drip, keep-you-up-at-night cough away.

IF she would JUST LEARN TO BLOW HER NOSE...

If children under the age of five would just learn to blow their noses... 
...then pediatrician offices would see a drastic decrease in call volume and office visits.

Nurse: Just tell him to blow his nose.

Parent: Great idea! That should do it!

If children under the age of five would just learn to blow their noses...
... families would save money and time! No more prescriptions! Fewer medical bills!

If children under the age of five would just learn to blow their noses...
... we all would be happier.

It's a conspiracy. The ENTs, the nebulizer-makers, the allergy med folks and the insurance companies have all struck a deal and are dead set against teaching our little ones how to blow their noses.

It should be mandatory pre-school curriculum:

1. Learn colors.
2. Learn shapes.
3. Learn to blow nose.

It would change the world.

If only I could teach my little one...

:)

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5 comments:

  1. YES, YES, YES!!!

    Terry and I have been trying to teach Henry because of all his damn snot. (stupid allergies) We have him breath in and out through his nose....it works about 1/20 times but he has inhaled so much snot that it is almost pointless when he does blow his nose.

    We also want to teach him to spit when he coughs up phlegm!! Don't swallow it, spit it out! He will swallow it then spit. ew

    I am totally onboard with this being mandatory!!!

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  2. Have you tried with V yet? S still has issues blowing her nose...at 5! But E...man, that girl has been blowing her nose since she was 2. She's got it. ;) I wonder if it's just different by child? I wish I could ask E to teach S...THAT would be awesome.

    The ONLY thing that works to help S actually blow stuff out of her nose is telling her to close her mouth and try to blow out candles with her nose. Hahaha. Stupid and silly, yes....but 50% of the time it works. That's better than nothing, right? And it makes you laugh. Bonus. ;)

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  3. 1. YES YES YES
    2. The picture of Lila... All set to go... Adorable... EEEEKKKK.
    3. YES YES YES

    Avery ebbs and flows... She "knows", but most of the time she sucks it up and in versus blowing out and enjoying nasal freedom.

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  4. For some crazy reason, Joss has been able to blow her nose for quite awhile...but I remember my brother having a HORRIBLE time learning (He's only 15 months younger than me and I remember, so who knows how old he was at this point).
    The trick that worked? My mom put a piece of scotch tape over his nostrils and told him to get it off without using his hands. He figured it out.

    GOOD LUCK! :)
    S

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  5. I don't mean to dash your hope for the future, but Ellie still can't. Ethan? No problem!! But my daughter just can NOT do it. Seriously. She breaks down in tears.

    We use a neti-pot now. No more tears. Praise God!

    ReplyDelete

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