Golden Globes Fashion Recap 2012

First off, I want to give props to Giuliana Rancic for looking phenomenal and for working after going through all that she's been through recently. Incredible. Good on you. GOOD on you.


On to the fashion.

First off, I'd like to submit a plea to actresses considering going to an awards event. DO NOT WEAR RED. I am so over red dresses. They're the little black dress of the red carpet. They're boring. You seriously don't want to blend in with the carpet.

Shoot me. I seriously hate these dresses.


Kyle Richards looks tacky. (Shocker.)


Boring.


I love Reese Witherspoon and her hair is stupendous. I love Zac Posen. I hate this dress. The sweetheart neckline is incredibly flattering, however the exterior boning is hideous and not at all flattering. I was shocked when I saw it from the side. Not ok.


The ruffles are pointless. Ambery Riley looks the best she's ever looked, but RED? AHHH. SO boring. The ruffles need to be larger or gone.


Dianna Agron from Glee always gets it wrong. The laser-cut thing? Cool. I like the top, hate the ruffles (which I usually adore) and cannot STAND the color. Boo. Try again.


Oh, Madonna. I wanted to like this dress. I did. Because let's be honest, Madonna looks less worked on than she has in years. (How does that work?) She looks gorgeous from the waist-up. But all of those little satin green squares look like leftover pool tile. Blech. Do-over.


Now, I know you're going to wonder if my brain has left my body, but I kind of like Laura Dern's dress. It's totally something I'd expect to see Cindy from Three's Company wear. (And I guess I like that? Yeah, I know, I'm confused, too.)  Who doesn't like a long, formal, sequined tennis dress? "Hey Buffy, where are you heading?" "Well, after tennis, I'll be walking the red carpet at the Golden Globes."

Right on.


I don't know this Connie Britton lady, but apparently she's new to earth. It's a RED CARPET event. You're wearing your Easter dress. Why didn't someone tell her?


Ok, Tina Fey gets the, "Most Improved EVER" award. LOOK! Tina is wearing a color! And her hair looks great! Excellent. Fabulous. I'm so pleased.

YAY TINA!


And the, "Most disappointing" awards goes to Amy Poehler. This seriously reminds me of something that Michelle Duggar or a very conservative Mormon would wear. I'm all for modesty, but this is ridiculous and boring. It looks like it's way too big and for someone quite a bit older than her. Boo. Hiss.

Better luck next time, sweet Amy.


Why is Jessica Biel wearing what appears to be a vampire's wedding gown to the Golden Globes? That Justin Timberlake is one lucky fella.


This woman is incredible. Dame Helen Mirren looks phenomenal. Wow. (Seriously, can you even fathom your grandma looking like that?)

She's hot stuff.

(It felt odd typing that.)


Now let's chat about the black dresses. Specifically this one. It's not overwhelming flattering. Too severe for my taste. Morena Baccarin. I'd like to burn it.


Debra Messing looks fine. And boring. I almost didn't even want to include this photo in my write-up but I did to prove a point: BLACK IS BORING.


Julianne Moore is gorgeous. I appreciate the green earrings and her dress is lovely. She looks fine. But safe. And boring.


"The Audible Gasp Award" goes to Meryl Streep.  

WHAT IS THIS?

It's like a long, satin, country button-up dress. With a belt.

No.


Mila Kunis looks fantastic. I love the top of this dress. She played it safe, but looks stunning (and slightly annoyed), as always.


Jane Lynch has worn this dress several times over in green and copper. (I believe.) Let's try something new, shall we?



Out of all of the black dresses, I loved this one. Definitely the winner of the "Best Black dress" award. It was perfect for Rooney Mara. I loved the way it moved on the red carpet and she can pull off that nonsense. 


And the winner of the, "Old-school Movie Star" award goes to Jessica Alba. She looks gorgeous. That color, her skin, her hair... lovely.


Disappointing.  

Kate Winslet was disappointing. In posts past, I have said it again and again: I love her. But this dress? It was effortless. In a not-great way. Can we please see a different cut? A different style? Please? Something DIFFERENT?


So Katharine McPhee did it wrong. And...


Kate Beckinsdale did it right. Incredible.


Look at Heidi Klum lookin' all not tacky! (Surprise!) I love this Calvin Klein dress. It's gorgeous. Um, that's an an amazing back.




Tell me Nicole Kidman creeps you out in the same way she creeps me out. That dress is so weird. I can't get over the way her up-top looks. Boo. Thumbs down. She will forever be a Stepford Wife to me.


Speaking of misshapen up-tops. Oh, Kelly Osbourne. I love you on Fashion Police. I respect your opinions. I hate your dress. Your uptop looks freakishly pointy. This dress is wearing you. And I LOATHE the hair color. I just can't get used to it. This just doesn't work.


And the third up-top comment in a row: I think Sofia Vergara is trying so hard to get us all to look at something aside from her Dolly Partons... and it's working. The fishtail of that gown is incredible. I adore the color, too. And she showed some restraint with the accessories this time. Well done.



And now to my favorites:

Charlize Theron was amazing. Hello runway model. Love this.


Next, I am in love with Claire Danes' gown. Would I wear it? Of course not, I can't wear any of this stuff. (I can only blog about it. I'm 5' 3" ya'll.)

Anywho - um, stunning. And the best part?


THIS back!


Tilda Swinton is incredible. I think she is just cool. This dress/outfit thing? NO ONE ELSE could wear it, but she wears it so well. 

I love this. Love the hair. Love the lapels sticking up. Sleeves up. Nice.

She seriously just made a Mom-of-the-bride outfit look cool.


And then there's this dress. And I must confess, on first sight... I loved it. Yes, you read that correctly.

It's FUN! Good for her for having fun. Sarah Michelle Gellar, I like it. I do.


Sweet Emma Stone. This. is. fantastic. NO ONE ELSE looked like this. And seriously, I liked your look so much I didn't even notice that it was in the red-family. Incredible. Great hair, too.


(I'll have my best dressed at the end.)

Next, can we please talk about the crimes? The crimes against fashion?

Emily Watson. WHAT IS THIS? This seriously looks like something straight out of Ann Taylor. (Which is cool for work. Not for the Golden Globes.) You can't just add a tri-strand gold necklace on it and head on in to the red carpet. 

Gross.


This dress on Julianna Marguiles is disgusting. It is inappropriate and all-the-way-around unacceptable. Sure, sure, sure - I'm sure it has amazing movement and flow, but in photos it's horrendous.

I'm embarrassed for her.


Not only is this dress far too tight, but you can see Mary J. Blige's under-things and she appears to have side-boob showing. The bottom also looks like the boots that Beyonce wore when she was in that terrible Austin Powers movie. That look should never be repeated.

Horrendous.


Alright, this little lady from Glee is a mess. That seam. THAT SEAM is driving me crazy. I cannot even FATHOM why anyone would accept this as a Golden Globes dress.

THE SEAM IS PUCKERING.


Even her most ferverent supporter, whom I am married to, cannot dispute this fact: THIS DRESS IS TERRIBLE. It is just ugly.

Zooey Deschanel is so quirky, yeah, blah, blah, blah... but this seriously looks like she was sponsored by Mountain Dew.

I hate it.

And I could not STAND her hair. Did you see it? She had these weirdo-layers cut right near her ears that made it look like she had lambchops.

AH. WHY DOES THIS GIRL REMIND MY HUSBAND OF ME? (I would never wear that. Nor do I sing when I talk.)



AND, the biggest crime of the night:

Lea Michelle from Glee.

Friends.

Friends.

FRIENDS.

WHAT in the world is happening here? She's 26-years-old. This dress is not for a 26-year-old. And it's not for a person who plays a high school student on TV. It's just mature. And it's just too much. I mean seriously, this is an Oscar dress. And, this dress has been worn by Halle Bery about a bazillion times already.

I could go on and on.

I hate this.


And next, I feel that a brief disclaimer is necessary before you clearly see who I have chosen as my best dressed.

DISCLAIMER: Just because I've chosen her as my Best Dressed, it certainly doesn't mean that I like her. She's holier than thou, she's the most non-relatable person in Hollywood and I seriously have yet to see a film she's been involved with that I like. I am not a fan.

But when I saw her, I gasped.

Therefore, Angelina Jolie (ugh.) is my hands-down winner.

SHE LOOKED stunning.

That body. Those lips. That hair. That dress.

It all worked.


And I mean, come on - she just looks so friendly. She's all, "I want to know you more. I want to be your friend. I care about you. Do you want to be friends?"


Blech. So yeah, it's her. I vote for her.

It's essentially treason, if you ask me.

Thoughts?

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8 comments:

  1. RIGHT ON, sister. You are hilarious....

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  2. I agree with all of your comments except I did love Nicole Kidman - she was my favorite! I would die for that dress and I think I could pull it off too! hee hee Hey there has to be some advantages of being 6 feet! :-)

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  3. YAY! Love these.

    I agree about Giuliana, she looked stunning and I was so happy to see here there after everything. And I thought it was sweet what people were saying to her. I liked the other dress she wore too.

    I LOVED Laura Dern's dress! When she won I told terry “I can’t believe I am going to say this because I normally hate sparkly/sequin dresses, but damn she looks amazing!” I loved the way the dress fit her and I really liked the color.

    Madonna annoys me.

    Oh no, Connie Britton was my least favorite (I don’t even know who she is either). It looks like she is going to a luncheon?! Not good.

    I agree about Tina, though her hair seemed a little too fluffy for my liking (just a hint too much aquanet) but overall it was great to see her in color! And she looks amazing…didn’t she just have a baby?

    Oh Helen Mirren, she is HOT and SEXY (I agree, weird typing that but she IS). She was my favorite of the night. She looked classy and gorgeous. She is the best.

    I also agree on Rooney Mara’s dress…even though it was black it looked great on her.

    Kate Beckinsdale is gorgeous and I loved her dress.

    I am totally envious of Emma Stone’s hair. She looked fantastic.

    I like Zooey Deschanel, but in that dress with that haircut she looked like a little kid. Not a fan of it.

    And as for Angelina, I agree her dress was really pretty but Terry and I were laughing because on E! you see them coming down from talking with Ryan and Brad stops to talk to someone and she is just standing there. Not talking to anyone and looks so cold as a person. Maybe she is just uncomfortable at these things, but come on if you are going to go you can at least smile. Ugh.

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  4. your fashion recap posts are the highlight of awards season for me. when i watch the red carpet, i always think "i wonder what kylee is thinking about that dress?" :)

    ok, so i can't vote for angelina for anything. she annoys me to no end. i just wanted to feed her a pizza last night. and brad needs to cut his hair.

    lea michelle's dress was horrific. just horrible. she needs a new stylist. loved jessica alba's. she might have been my favorite. i think sarah michelle gellar shouldn't let her 2 year old pick out her globes dress. :) and zooey...oh dear god. that was awful. it was even worse when she and her sister (emily from Bones) were standing next to each other on the red carpet. it was visually disturbing.

    on to the Oscars! were i'm hoping Meryl will (1) get a stylist and (2) get a good dress

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  5. Good Job Aunt Ky! I like your decision, and what you said about Dianna Agron..... totally right, she does look like a person from Cirque. Also Naya Rivera..... it look like it was ironed and then put on her, IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH. Amber Riley, looked good, but I agree with you. MHM!! LEA MICHELE!! Now why would you wear that, I know you want to stand out, but that much? Ok that is your choice but... Yikes!

    Love you!! Xoxoxo Clo

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  6. I love it when you do these! And yes, Ms. Jolie is stunning YET least likeable. EVER.

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  7. These are always so fun to read!

    I love Connie Britton. She played the coach's wife on Friday Night Lights and now she's starring in American Horror Story. I'm sad that she looked so awful/inappropriate.

    I never like Zooey Deschanel. Ever. She annoys me. And certainly doesn't remind me of you.

    Thumbs up for Emma Stone (love her), Tina Fey and Jessica Alba. I think Reese looked amazing, too. Boning, yeah, maybe a little much.

    Kate Beckinsale was my favorite. Angelina has too much of that bitch-factor for me.

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  8. God, these are posts are my favorite.

    Tilda Swinton = incredible. Nicole Kidman = scary.

    Funny how they are just slightly different.

    Kate Beckinsale is a picture that I would print out and hang up on my wall for motivation to work out...although it may just drive me to eat ice cream. COME ON! Wicked amazing body.

    Merril Streep made me laugh out loud. Although, she's so cool, she was probably laughing about it too (all the way to the bank).

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