Grateful for the green grass on this side of the fence.

9/15/2011 08:25:00 AM

So as it turns out this whole full-time working Mom of a toddler and a baby had me down for a bit. I wrote about it here but I didn't say too much. I like to keep this little blog light and happy... and I wasn't feeling so light and happy. Tough stuff.

I wasn't loving that I work. I just wanted to be home with my babies. I wasn't experiencing a delayed post-partum depression... it was more a delayed post-partum work depression.

I'll be clear: two babies in two years isn't the issue. That part of my life I LOVE. I'm proud of the family we've created. I even like the timing of it all.

However, trying to live the same life I lived before two babies in two years? That is the hard part.

Chaos. This is the only word I can use to describe our life right now. It's sometimes well-organized chaos. And sometimes it's hilarious chaos. On some days it's cry-your-eyes-out chaos -- but everyday, well... it's a little nutty.

Packing lunches, making bottles, taking a preschooler to school, work, then pumping, then meetings, then conference calls, then more pumping, then retrieving said preschooler from school, then more pumping, then making meals, then bath time, then nursing, then reading books, then, then, then...

There's always something, isn't there?

[Can I get an amen?]

I refuse to believe that balance exists. I also refuse to believe that I'm failing someone at any given time.

Instead, I believe that this chaos is widespread and normal and that it will not last forever.

Know what else?

I'm not alone.

Most parents I know who have younger-ish children are quite familiar with the chaos that we're dealing with over in this neck of the woods.  They're lingering in it, too.

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Hello - welcome to my boat. It appears that we're all in this together. Care for a paddle? Or a cocktail?

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I had allowed myself to conjure up this clouded notion that my life would be better if I were able to stay at home with my babies. I'd be happier. More fulfilled. More content... and I'd have more time for me.

Um. And then I talked to my best friend who is currently staying at home with her three children.

[Disclaimer: I do not want to get into a working Mom versus SAHM debate. Not the point of this.]

I asked my best friend if she ever  has time for herself. She snickered and responded with a, "No" faster than I could blink.

No, of course she doesn't have time to be alone.
Someone is tagging along behind her each time she goes to the bathroom, too.
And she feels as if she's never getting enough one-on-one time with her little ones, too.
She feels guilt.
She feels overwhelmed.
And, while she's at home with her babies doing incredibly valuable work -- she sometimes feels as if she's missing out by not currently working on her career; her interests.

What's that?

You feel like you are missing out too?!


In some sort of sick and twisted way, I loved hearing this. I loved hearing that she feels precisely how I feel.


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The grass isn't always greener.

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My attitude has shifted a bit. I get it. I'm learning. (Oh my, I'm so pleased that we're always learning...) This little slump in my life has reminded me to be grateful.


I'm thankful for my time with my family. I'm thankful for the insanity of this season of my life.



I'm embracing the crazy and I'm grateful for it.

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6 comments:

  1. Amen!!! I have struggled with this myself and I finally realized (not long ago in fact) that a "balance" does not exist and it's better just to go with it and that IT IS OK that there is no balance. As long as everyone is healthy and happy it's all good. I know I will always have my days when I feel awful because I miss my babies when I am at work (I deal with this much better now after almost 6 years) and then there are the days where I thank heavens I do work and have that adult interaction during the day. So, I feel ya and it's better to just take one day at a time. Hugs to you!

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  2. Isn't it funny? That's why I don't get those who do the whole working vs SAHM debate. We're ALL in the same boat, no matter whether you work outside the home or not. I've experienced both and they are both overwhelming at times. ...you are right though, this time is fleeting. Fast! Before we know it, we will miss that they need us so much now...we will miss that we didn't have me time because we'll be overwhelmed with me time and not know what to do with ourselves. Life is crazy like that.

    This whole preschool experience has really opened my eyes to how fast and sacred this time is...babies/toddlers grow up way too fast and are so ready to be independent at the drop of a dime. ...and then, well, then it's time to be selfish. For now, it's time for the wheel to be off and for life to be crazy busy and nutso. It's what makes life fun, exciting and full of happy memories.

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  3. I just wrote a similar post- parenting is hard, no matter how you slice it or how many kids you have. There are seasons that come and go, some are easier, some are harder, others are super easy. Usually an easy one is followed by one that is super hard. But at the end of the day, there are little people on this Earth that I helped create and whom I love more than I ever thought possible, so I embrace the crazy, too. :-)

    And a word on the pumping- you are awesome for pumping this long at work. When I was teaching I tried to pump for Jack, and teaching is probably the WORST profession for it- how do you pump when you have a class of 20 kids expecting you to teach them? So I gave up at 6 months because the stress factor went way down- I applaud you for sticking with it as long as you have. Hugs!

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  4. Was it Erin's post or are we all just on some crazy fa-reaky wave length? My post tomorrow is about SAHM-ness.

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  5. Amen.

    Oh. . . this stuff is so very challenging for all of us. Your words captured it perfectly. Some days it feels like survival is the best there is.

    You know, I try to take in the moments. I know that everyday I am not all I could/should/want to be in this role or that role. . . but there are moments as a mom or in my field or alongthat are good. . . very good. I'm okay with that. . .on a good day.

    I loved reading this and knowing that I/we are NOT alone. Thank you, my Friend.

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  6. We have our whole lives full of personal space when they grow up and want nothing to do with us. *sob*

    As a SAHMWAHMZOMG for the last couple of years? No personal time. Usually. But when I do get it? IT'S MAGICAL.

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