In Vitro.

Let's dig in, shall we?


So there's this person I know.

She decided that in-vitro was an option she wanted to pursue -- not because infertility forced her in that direction, but because she did not have a compatible/able-to-produce significant other. And, well, because she wanted to have a baby. She's mid-30's, I believe.

So her reputable doctor extracted egg cells, fertilized them with a sperm donor of her choice, then implanted the three besties.

All three took. All three stuck.

She is now the host of 3 follicles-turned-embryos and is 2.5 months pregnant. This is her first pregnancy.

Her personal life is such that for all intents and purposes, she's single. However, I don't want that to weigh into your thoughts on this. However, the situation is such that she does not have immediate access to the best prenatal and post-natal, early-baby healthcare nor does she have a checkbook that is ready and able to write a check for whatever amount is necessary to take care of her medical bills.

So, here we are.

We all know the realities of multiple births. From forced early bed rest, the incredible strain on one's body, premature babies oftentimes with developmental differences, medical expenses, lack of time, energy and resources, the cost of raising children, etc. -- it's hard. I don't mean to paint a bleak picture, but even in the best case scenarios it can be quite difficult.

Here's where I want to hear what you would do. I'm asking you to take a step back from all of your preconceived notions about abortion, about faith, about our freedoms and tell me what you would do.

There are so many facets to this conversation.

Point: The way a woman craves a child is so palpable, so intense, that I can't begrudge anyone that desire nor would I ever purposefully discourage anyone from attaining that goal.

Counterpoint: Bringing three lives into this world at the same time almost guarantees that the one-on-one bond that most parents get with their singleton babies wouldn't even remotely be an option with three.

Point: A doctor medically implanted those embryos, they were not fearfully and wonderfully made and knit together in her womb. Instead, they were implanted by man. Therefore to have man remove one or two is reasonable and within the realm of acceptance.

Counterpoint: The babies are gifts from God and therefore must be kept. Come hell or high water.

So, let's talk about this.

What would you do?

What would you think?

Again, I ask that you consider every aspect of this scenario: the effect on the mother, the effect on the potential children, the financial aspect, the medical/developmental aspect. ALL OF IT.

I would love to hear your opinion. And remember - you can always post anonymously. I want to hear how you'd embrace the scientific proposition that the babies were man-made and not God-made. I want to hear your argument either for or against her desire to have a baby in this way.

What is the responsible decision?

I'm crafting my answer now...

Note:
I believe in God.
I call myself a Christ-follower.
I believe in doing unto others as I would have them do to me.
I pray. All the time. It's like God is my Jiminey Cricket.
I love words; therefore I love the Bible. Specifically Psalms and Proverbs and James. I consider the book to be written by folks who were inspired by God. And you know how that goes - man is fallible.
I feel that even if all this God-following is for naught, I will have lived a fulfilled, calm, faithful, non-lonely life based on a doctrine that encourages me not to gossip, but allows me to be who am I. Imperfect and all. So imperfect that I even swear. Or lie every now and then.

ADDITIONAL NOTE
The "point/counterpoints" are merely that: two extreme perspectives that one could potentially have.

Remember friends... I haven't identified or communicated which one I identify with just yet.



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I'll let you know what she decided in a few days.

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8 comments:

  1. Wow. I'm going to spend some more time thinking over my answer- but wanted to give my first thoughts, given my experience.

    In regards to this-
    "Bringing three lives into this world at the same time almost guarantees that the one-on-one bond that most parents get with their singleton babies wouldn't even remotely be an option with three."
    I am a mother of twins and I would disagree with this statement wholeheartedly- (I am also a mother of a singleton.) Now, if we were talking about the octomom, I would agree! :)
    Having more than one baby did not limit my bond with my children in any way...but I also think it depends on every mothers personality and desire.

    This is a lot to think about. I can't even begin to imagine not having the extra help of a partner- or enough money. Hopefully, she will be one of the luckier ones (like myself) that didn't need bedrest.

    I'll be praying for your friend.
    Thanks for bringing another interesting topic to the table!
    I enjoy your blog!

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  2. I am 31 and single and I understand that the desire for a baby can be palpable. I also understand that the baby grows into a 2 year old, then into a 6 year old, then into an elementary school child, middle schooler, high schooler, and they hate me and they think I know nothing.
    I love children, I spoil my friend's children. I am not opposed to dating someone who has children despite knowing the absolute devastating heartbreak this can bring if things do not work out.
    I've thought about what I would do if I found out I was unexepectedly pregnant. I've realized that if this was to occur there is absolutely no way I could ever give my child up for adoption. I would never be able to handle the heart break.
    I have also realized that getting pregnant accidentally on purpose or going the route of seeking medical assistance in order to have a baby would be the ultimate selfish act on my part. This is entirely my opinion and I have actually thought a great deal about it before this post. I think about how my parents were such a team when it came to raising my brother and I. Single parents are amazing and can do things that I would never dream possible and I know that they are awesome. For me if I did something like accidentally on purpose getting pregnant or going the medical assistance route I would be hurting my child that I would love more than life. My mom's that I follow I know will tell me that having a child is like having your heart walk around outside your body. I know I would and will feel this way. I know that my parents balanced each other out and I know I need someone to balance me out if I ever have children. I will do everything in my ability to keep myself in check but I'm just being honest that I know I might not always be rational. So to get pregnant on purpose and not have a partner in my life would be the most selfish act I could do. Not even touching the other fantastic points that you brought up.
    It is a tough subject and I have thought about how to answer all afternoon.

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  3. I think everything happens for a reason. I personally wouldn't terminate any of the 'babies'. I pray for your friend, as even having one baby without a partner would be trying. I can't even imagine the stress of having triplets without a partner. But, God only gives us what we can handle.

    I have to agree with Lisa about your statement, "Bringing three lives into this world at the same time almost guarantees that the one-on-one bond that most parents get with their singleton babies wouldn't even remotely be an option with three." I was almost amazed that it even came from you... I don't think having more than one child takes away any of the bond you have with them. Think of your own situation; even though you will not have multiples, you will have a toddler AND a new baby...do you think your bond with Baby 2011 will be less because you also have to devote time to Lila? Not at all, right? I believe it's the same for multiples. Your mother/child bond isn't any less because you have other children to care for.

    It sounds like your friend will need a lot of support. I think regardless of having a partner or money, she can and will do it if she has a strong support system of people that believe in her and are encouraging her to be a good mother.

    Interesting topic!

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  4. TO CLARIFY: the "point/counterpoints" are merely that: two extreme perspectives that one could have.

    Remember friends... I haven't identified and/or communicated which one I identify with just yet.

    Regarding multiples - TWINS are absolutely do-able. I am pleased and honored to know mommies to fraternal, identical and Irish twins and all have forged an incredible bond with them. Naturally. (It would be ignorant to think otherwise.)

    However, when you're a single-parent raising TRIPLETS... I question how on earth that would all work out. Working full-time and taking care of that many newborns? Oy.


    Hmmmmm.... THANK YOU for your comments and the great discussion! It's such a passionate issue, no?

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  5. Wow, what a heavy topic. I couldn't terminate any. I would say tremendous thought had to have gone into even considering this as a viable option for her situation which means multiples is a huge possibility. Sometimes we want something so bad we maybe ignore. I guess that's a roundabout way to say selfish decisions get made when you want something so bad.

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  6. just my thoughts.... So she wasn't having problems getting preggo? Why did they put 3 in, I'm thinking two would have been okay to try first!!

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  7. First off, I commend this person for wanting to raise a child or children on her own. We live in a society where that is not always received well when a parent wants to go at it alone. I can only imagine how tough it is to raise a child with a partner, let alone raising one (or more) on your own.

    Now I understand what’s done is done and we are not really talking about that, but it does play a part in my thought process. It concerned me when you said “she does not have immediate access to the best prenatal and post-natal, early-baby healthcare nor does she have a checkbook that is ready and able to write a check for whatever amount is necessary to take care of her medical bills.” Because of that, it makes me question the reasoning for 3 eggs being implanted at once? I only say this because of the real possibility that two or three could take and when you are bringing a child into the world through THIS particular method, alone or not, I personally feel you should make sure you are prepared for that as a possibility and that should play apart in how you go about this process….especially not having fertility issues in the past.

    With that said, I could NEVER imagine having to be put into that decision. I for one am Pro-choice. I feel that there are instances in a women’s life where she may need to make that very tough decision and I for one will not stand in the way of someone else having to make that decision. I mean heaven forbid something happened to me or someone I knew where the baby or mothers life was at risk or someone got pregnant from being raped or something else that was completely out of the mothers control happened that put her in that position to make such a tough choice and then having to deal with the heartache of the situation.

    But personally, in this scenario, if I knew that there was even a slight chance that multiples COULD be a possibility and I was a single mom (or even in my current situation) and did not have the best pre- or post-natal care or was in the best financial place I would keep all three. I personally do not think this situation is one that should constitute terminating one or more of the pregnancies. It should have been something you thought of before this procedure and therefore it they are now your responsibility. I do feel that they were given to you for some reason, a reason you may not understand now and you should embrace that and do the very best that you can.

    But like I said, that is just ME and who am I to judge what someone else does. I don’t know what is best for anyone other than myself….and even THEN I don’t always know what is best for me! I hope she makes the best decision she can possibly make.

    Good post.

    P.S. There was this guy in my very small hometown who lost his wife during childbirth. She gave birth to three beautiful children before she passed. As hard as it was at times, the father raised those children on his own and did a wonderful job. Money was hard at times but luckily, and maybe because we are in a small town, people came together to help him out. Friends, family, neighbors are always willing to help out….especially with kids. The kids turned out great and he has such a wonderful relationship with his children. I know the situation is not the same, I guess my point is that even when thrown into the toughest and most unexpected situations (like this guy was) we can pull through even when we might not think we can and those little gifts we are given make it all the struggle worth it.

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  8. did i miss something? how did they afford in vitro yet can't afford the during and after care?

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