Nope. It only rains once.
Baby shower ettiquette

9/21/2010 08:02:00 AM


Every now and then I'll stop by some of those pregnant-lady websites and read a few questions and comments. (I know. Moth to a flame.)

Recently the idea of a second baby shower came up.

The woman had her first baby in January of 2009. A girl.
Now her second baby, a boy, is due in December of 2010.

And she felt that she was entitled to another baby shower. ("Because she doesn't have any boy stuff.")

Any my judgment is:

No you are not.
You get one baby shower in your lifetime. Here's why: because.
Because scores of American women before us had just one baby shower no matter the quantity or gender of the babies born after their first baby. And, that's just the way it is.

Now, I do realize and respect that there are exceptions to nearly every rule. (For example, I wear white after Labor Day because I live in Mexico and because I think I can. I'm also over the age of 30 and wear mini skirts.)

So...

...if there's a significant period of time between births of each child. You get another shower. I'm talking 8-10 years between.)
...if you never had a baby shower to begin with, you get to have one.
...if you're expecting multiples and could really use the help. Yep. You get another shower.

Finally, if someone close to you decides to throw you a "sprinkle" for your next baby... just because... that's fine, too. But a full-blown, 50-person shower? Nope. I'm sorry, you had your time.

And, don't get me started on the whole argument that, "Each baby is a celebration and therefore a shower is warranted" speech. Bologna. Or, baloney.

Each baby is indeed a celebration, but gifts aren't always necessary. Especially sending out FORMAL invitations to ASK for gifts.

And about baby registries for second, third and fourth babies (or more!) - I'm fine with it. I just so happen to love buying off of registries. If I find out that the second-mom-to-be registered somewhere - it makes gift-giving REALLY easy.

Yep it's ok so long as the registry is not advertised on facebook, as in, "I just registered at amazon.com - BUY FOR ME!", or on your email signature. (Tee hee) Besides, many stores give a "fulfillment" discount of at least 10% off any items that you need to buy post-baby birth. I'm all about a good deal and beating the man.

Conclusion: Unless there has been a vast amount of time between your children, or unless you're having multiples, or unless you've never had a shower to begin with - you don't get another.

Signed,
Meanie in Cabo
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9 comments:

  1. I completely agree, but it seems that so many people are doing multiple baby showers lately. I personally think it's rude to expect people to buy you more things; or like you said, ASK for it.

    I've had people argue their point of having a 2nd one because they are having the opposite sex (close together in age). WHAT?!?! Just because it's the opposite sex, doesn't mean you need all new stuff. You just need a different color clothing. Babies don't have different 'needs' based on their gender. Silly, just silly.

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  2. My spouse and I were just dicussing this, sister. Lance asked if I were going to have another shower and I said no. I agree w you 100% (and yes there are exceptions)

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  3. Sister! I wrote this post BEFORE I knew that you were having a baby BOY!!! I can't WAIT to "shower" my nephew. :) YAY!

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  4. I agree too. I was recently thinking about baby showers... The lady I nanny for is having a baby shower (had a girl now having a boy) but her friends are throwing it for her - so I don't really know if it was her idea or not....

    And... If you have a Nanny - you should probably INVITE HER. lol. I didn't get invited and her family is always mentioning "baby shower this" and "babyshower this" and I'm just like uhhhhhhh. Very awkward.

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  5. Sister(s), I agree, but with one additional caveat. IF you are having the first boy of the family, after the birth of only little girls, it's ok.

    SO, if you are Taryn or that Emperess wanna-be in Japan, it's ok to have a shower with the first opposite gender child in the family, even if it is the second (or third) baby.

    Taryn, please register....to be showered for the new baby boy!

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  6. Same goes for weddings - can I say that?

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  7. I completely agree with you! I have a cousin having her 1st girl, after having 3 boys, and she's having a shower. I'm appalled. And I won't be attending. (mostly because I have another party that day, but I chose the other party because it's more appropriate.)

    I give my okay for the same reason you gave, a LONG time between births. I'll also add that I think it's okay if there happens to be another family involved. (I have a friend who had a little girl, unplanned. Then a few yrs later got married and had her second girl. I feel his family was very entitled to throw her a shower for their his 1st baby)

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  8. I totally agree with this also; however...I did throw a, I guess you called it a "sprinkle" (too cute), for my cousin (she's more like a sister) who had two boys and then found out she was having a girl. It consisted of about 20 people, there wasn't a registry and the invite just said to "bring something pink". Most people just brought something small, like pink onsies or bibs. It was fun and cute. They also had a tiny party for me when I had Abbey since I had nothing pink.

    I will say though, these gatherings were random acts of fun that neither of us had expected nor requested. I think to "expect" more than one shower is crazy.

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  9. AGREE. And totally agree with your exceptions.

    I did not go to a baby shower & diaper party this summer soley because I thought it wasn't right as this was their second kid in 2 years.

    In my opinion the entire reason you have a baby shower or a wedding shower is to celebrate this NEW step in your life and to come together with family in friends to help you on this new journey. A shower is not an opportunity to just get more stuff that you don't want to buy yourself. If you can not afford that stuff on your with your second child, and are expecting others to help you then you shouldn't have a second child (period). If you just want to celebrate then have a cookout and invite some people over as long as it is clear that absolutley no gifts should be given.

    NOW, with that said...I looooove giving baby gifts to my friends and family when they have kids, whether it is their first or fifth. I will try to get stuff for my friends children when they are not always expecting it, but it is the idea of having an actual shower that brings with it the expectation that you are just wanting more stuff....which is exactly what my friend said to me. Well actually she said she wanted money and not stuff and hoped she got gift cards. Really? You just want my money? You are getting a big fat nothing then lady!

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