Produce Report: 14 weeks

8/02/2010 04:08:00 AM
It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in this exact same spot, writing a report entitled, "Produce Report: It's a lemon this week."

This makes me smile.

And, as Lila was the size of a lemon once, Baby 2011 is also currently the size of a lemon.

 
Q. How do I feel?
A. GREAT. The first trimester was tough: we flew to Ohio for our summer vacation and for much of it, I truly just wanted to sleep. :)

Q. Have I had any morning sickness or nausea?
A. None. Not one day. (I'm a blessed lady.)

Q. How does this pregnancy compare to my pregnancy with Lila?
A. Truth? They're virtually the same. The only differences, dear friends, is that being pregnant the second time around isn't as... how shall we say...it isn't as luxurious as it is the first time around. (And, I'm showing WAY sooner.)

Q. What do I mean by that?
A. During my first pregnancy, I was incredibly dialed into my body, my mind and the changes that I was experiencing. Every time I turned around, people were asking, "How do you feel? Are you doing alright?"

With this pregnancy, and this isn't bad - it's just different. I don't have time! I truthfully don't remember that I'm pregnant until I feel an incredible wave of exhaustion as I lie down for bed at night. "Oh, right! I'm pregnant."

There's no time to sit and think and to take naps and to indulge myself, really. I've got a job, Lila's all over the place... No rest for the weary! Life's too short to sit still.

Q. Was this pregnancy planned?
A. As I said in this post when I announced Baby 2011, it was sort of a semi-planned surprise. No, I wasn't on any sort of contraceptive. Yes, I was breastfeeding. No, I didn't think I'd get pregnant as quickly as I actually did. I mean, Lila took sooooo long. Our honest-to-goodness plan was to start trying after Lila turned one in June. Not before...

What's that saying? The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry? (Or something like that. See here.)

Q. What was my initial reaction when I found out about Baby 2011?
A. Shock.

Then more shock.

Then quiet, quiet contemplation...

Then I felt guilt.

Oh, friends... I felt an overwhelming pang... a wave of enveloping guilt.

Why?

Because Lila wasn't even a year old yet. I felt so tremendously guilty that I had encroached on our first year together. I felt as if I were being disloyal by growing a new baby when my first baby was still, well... a baby. At that point, my body still belonged to Lila. (She was still nursing.) Ultimately, I felt tremendously guilty that instead of being an active mommy in her life, I was now a tired, exhausted shadow of a mommy. 

Maybe a couple days into our news, I cried one night while we were in bed.

Oh, I cried.

I cried for so many reasons. I cried because part of me, a very small part of me, really wanted my body back. 

At that point, I had been pregnant and/or nursing since October of 2008. And now, with Baby 2011, I thought, "I'm going to be pregnant and/or nursing until at least January of 2012. That's FOUR years of my life."

I just cried.

Q. Then what happend?
A. As quickly as that wave enveloped me, it left me. 

I got excited.

I became obsessed with asking people with more than one child what the age differences were between their children. I asked everyone I knew with siblings, ever so nonchalantly, what their age differences was between their brothers and sisters.

And I got more excited.

It occurred to me, and has been emblazoned on my heart, that I am giving Lila a gift. I'm giving her a sibling.

My sweet babies will never remember a time without one another.

And that makes me happy.

Q. Will we find out the gender of this baby?
A. Absolutely. In fact, we'll hopefully find out on my birthday in two weeks. (August 16.) (We found out with Lila at 16 weeks, as well.)

Q. Will we tell others the gender?
A. Without a doubt.

Q. Do we have names prepared for Baby 2011?
A. We're half way there. Our boy name remains the alternate male option we had saved for Baby #1. Our girl option... well, we think we have one. But, I think we may keep it a secret, too.

Q. Have I gained any weight?
A. Um, yes. About 5 lbs. I've gained the exact same amount of weight (and am the same weight) as I was with Lila at 14 weeks. But I look... um... bigger than I did with Lila.

Q. Am I showing?
A. Heavy sigh... Yes. Far sooner than I had ever thought.
Here I am at 14 weeks with Lila. The slightest of bump...


Here I am at 14 weeks with Baby 2011.
Ugh. 
(Not the best picture... and I swear I have hair. It blends in with the chalk board, I guess.)


Q. How do I feel right now? As I type this?
A. SO flippin' excited I physically CANNOT STAND IT.

Every night, I think about this baby. What s/he looks like. If s/he will look like me, or like C, or like Lila. I think about the baby's room. I think about the baby's name. I think about how I'm going to have two children under two years old.

And I love it.

This timing is pretty fantastic.

I just can't believe I came to Mexico by myself. Then Craig joined me. Then Ferg joined us. Then Lila joined us. Next Baby 2011 will join us.

If and when we leave Cabo, we will take with us far, far, far more than I could have ever dreamed of.

--

Well, I think that's all for now, friends. More later.

kb

11 comments:

  1. How great that you got some of that guilt out now. Really, I think that is amazing. It all hit me after having #2. Like a freight train. That first week was so rough because of the guilt I felt regarding Sophia (not being able to give her 100% of my attention anymore). Hopefully since you got some of that out now, you will have an easier time that first week of a family of 4. ;)

    I felt I showed earlier too, but it seemed to even itself out eventually.

    And you ARE giving little Lila a gift. Mine are 20 months apart and it really is amazing to watch them together. We are 4 months in and they interact and miss each other. It's adorable. You can FEEL the connection and LOVE. Nothing better.

    Oh and you look GREAT!

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  2. Ohhhh....I am just sooo happy for you!

    You look fabulous- but I so remember how my 2nd pregnancy I showed so much sooner as well! It seems so unfair!

    I can't wait to hear what sex the baby is and the name!! Lila is going to be sooo happy to have a built in best friend!

    Congrats again!

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  3. Oh, Friend. . . I'm so excited to see this progression again. I, too, am glad that you got some of the guilt over with early on. I went through that before Chanelle came and cried and cried in the weeks before her arrival. Feeling like I was cheating Charlie out of something. It seems silly now as I watch the two play together. You are right. . . they will never remember a time without each other and their lives will be fuller because they have a sibling.

    Again, I am so happy for you all!

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  4. I'm thinking that I might cry with every produce report this time! I'm just so excited for you and your growing family!

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  5. I know EXACTLY what you mean by your second pregnancy not being as luxurious as the first. I feel the same way, and I feel tremendously guilty about it. I am constantly stressed about whether or not I am already "neglecting" my second child in favor of my first. I know that's not what is happening, but it feels bad all the same. In general, I'm finding that most people are not as excited about this pregnancy as they were with my first - I don't get as many questions about how I'm feeling, how far along I am (though most weeks I couldn't even tell you), etc. Things are definitely different.

    You are a wonderful mom to Lila, and there's no doubt that you will be just as wonderful with baby 2011. I love the updates - keep them coming!!!

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  6. i can't see the more obvious baby bump....i think you LOOK GREAT, but i will take your word for it that this bump is apparent.

    YAY!! for produce reports, and you not having morning sickness and for Lila sharing life with a sibling. YAAYY!! for also finding out the gender on your b-day. woohoooo.

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  7. I'm so excited for you and your family! Lila will, no doubt, be SUCH a great big sis!

    You look fantastic, Kylee!

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  8. posting for two reasons:
    a) to make up for all the analytics I'm costing you by reading Two Pretzels via Google Reader and

    b) to state that as a recent first hand witness (less the 48 hours ago), I can honestly say no person would ever know that you're pregnant. You really (really) look just fine (great actually!). Now, keep up the eating that ensued last weekend and that may change...but I digress.
    :)

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  9. Ky, i enjoy all of your posts but this one is one of my favorites. You are amazing :)

    -Sal

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  10. YESSSSSSSS! I love the produce report :) Baby 2011 - that's cute.

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  11. So glad to see this!!! YAY Baby 2011!

    You look amazing and reading this post just makes me smile and melts my heart. I am SO HAPPY for you and your family!

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