I've been waiting to write this post for more than two years.

(Get a snack, it's a long one. But I think it's worth the read.)

Rule for Life
: Never ask a couple when they’re planning on having kids.
You never know what’s going on behind the scenes.

So Craig and I dated for six years before we got married. In that time, I bet we were asked, "So, when are you going to get married?" at least one trillion times. (I don't exaggerate.)

Then, we got married more than 5 years ago.

You know what they started asking next, right? "So, when are you going to have kids?"

Initially, we laughed off the question - like all newlyweds do - and said, "Oh, we just want to spend some time together first." or "Kids? Who wants kids?!"

Then a year went by, then another, then another. We were cool. We were completely happy with the three of us. (Craig, Nattie and I.)

Then we moved to Mexico. Who had time for a baby, right? New job. Margaritas to drink. No gracias.

All the while, seemingly well-intentioned people were still asking: “When are you two going to have kids? It’s about that time, right?” We were still offering flat, though humor-infused responses…meanwhile thinking, “What? Really? How does that matter to you?”

Then about two and a half years ago something clicked. It was time. We wanted a family. It just felt right.

The first six months or so after our decision were half-hearted. I’m sure you’ve heard it, too: “We’re not trying… but we’re not preventing either.” That was us.

Clearly, those six months were…um… “fruitless.”

Then two years ago we started focusing. We went to my Dr. – she gave me a once-over and told me I was healthy. That’s all I needed: I was on a mission. A quest. Clearly we just needed to “focus,” right? I took my basal body temperature every morning to watch for the shift of my temperature in order to pinpoint ovulation, I bought vitamins, I bought ovulation predictor kits. I.was.ready. Craig.was.ready. Clearly, it was a matter of time, right?

Not really.

Twelve consecutive months of disappointments later resulted in another trip back to Ohio to see my Dr., tests for both of us, misdiagnoses, consistent anxiety and smothering sadness.

All the while it seemed like EVERYONE around us was getting pregnant and having babies. Heavy sigh.

It’s so difficult to explain the sheer joy you have when someone close to you announces that they’re pregnant, but the overwhelming and oppressive sadness when you wish it were you.

And of course, people continued to ask us: “So, when are you two FINALLY going to have kids? You can't wait forever."

Dear readers, dear friends. Again, I implore you to never ask anyone this question. It's like a roundhouse kick to the heart if you're the female, and 3 junk-punches in a row if you're a guy. Of course, if s/he is your close friend or family member, ask away! If not, it's better to just shush.

I was embarrassed.
My head was clouded daily (ask Craig) with the “Why’s?”
Why can’t this just happen? EVERYONE else in my family had NO issues with getting pregnant. What in the WORLD was wrong with me? (Craig was given a clean bill of health.) Women.get.pregnant. It’s what they do. It’s supposed to be as natural of a skill as computer-hacking skills are to Napoleon Dynamite. Crack-heads get pregnant everyday. I’m married and adore my husband. I have a good job. I’m not a crack-head. WHY CAN’T WE START A FAMILY?!

I cried. I prayed. I cried. I prayed. And, we pressed on. Silently.

We were doing everything right. Still, every month we were disappointed.

I didn’t tell anyone. I was so embarrassed. It was terrible.

It’s when I decided to talk with friends/family about this insane journey that I started to feel a wee bit better. Eyes were opened and sensitivity (for the most part) flooded in. Thousands of couples experience fertility issues, you know? Why be embarrassed about it? It's not my fault or Craig's. However, bottom line? It just blows.

Now, when people would ask us, “When are you going to have kids already!?”, our responses changed:

“We’re giving it our best shot…” slowly turned into, “We’re seeing a specialist right now… we’re doing our best.” In other words, “BACK OFF.”



They shut up.

Still, from “well-intentioned” women we heard, “Oh, just relax…it’ll happen.”

NOTE: THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY SAY TO A COUPLE WHO IS CRAVING HAVING A CHILD. Don’t ever say it.

Acceptable responses are: “I am so sorry to hear that.” Or, “I’ll keep you in my prayers”. Or, "Oh, that's tough." Those are all ok. Incidentally, it's ok to ask you fertility-challenged friends how they're doing.

Fast forward to August 2008. Per my AMAZING fertility specialist in Toledo (Dr. Karnitus at the Toledo Hospital. GO SEE HIM IF YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS.), I started on clomid, a mild fertility drug. It’s the first stop in the world of infertility. It’s cheap and easy to take. And, it just so happens to make some women crazy. (That would be me.) It was no less than 100 degrees in Cabo in AUGUST and I was having such severe hot flashes, I could barely sleep. Or live. (Ask Craig.)

At night, I believe I said on more than one occasion to my dear, patient husband: “Craig, your pinky toe is slightly touching me. I AM SO HOT AND IF YOU DON’T MOVE IT NOW, I WILL KILL YOU.”

Ah, now that’s love, no? Insanely fluctuating hormones ALWAYS get a couple in the mood.

Anywho, round one of clomid, combined with ultrasounds on various cycle days to measure my determined too-small-follicles was a bust. A no go. My follicles were still too small. (They’re merely, “petitie”, as I’d like to think.) The clomid didn't work.

September 2008: Round 2 of Clomid. We increased the dosage. (Craig was excited about that decision.) And, we continued with the ultrasounds. I produced a good sized follicle. Care to see it?
Next, we waited.

If anyone else has been trying to conceive, they know that the two-week-wait is the most treacherously awful time EVER. You’re trying to relax and put everything in God’s hands, but you’re still thinking, “I hope this works… it probably won’t, but I hope it does! But it probably, won’t. So don’t get your hopes up. But I hope it works…”

Oh, and you need to act normal because you still have a job and stuff.

So when it was time, for about the 24th month in a row, I took a pregnancy test on October 17th.

(Do you know where I’m going with this?)

I have a routine. I’d take the test, walk away, take a shower and come back to see the BIG FAT NEGATIVE laughing at me. Loser.

That day, I took the test, started the shower and just happened to glance at the counter…

What?

A plus sign?!?! I’ve never gotten that before.


I run to Craig. “LOOK AT THIS.” I THROW the test at him.

He looks at it, looks at me, looks at it, looks at me. Then in a calm Craig-voice he asks, “What does this mean?”

(I love him.)

It was positive. Praise. G.O.D. NOOOOO WAY! (My heart was beating so fast I thought I'd have an attack.)

Then I proceeded to take 3 more tests and get a blood test.

As it appears, I'm going to be a mommy and Craig’s going to be a daddy.

We’ve heard the heartbeat and had three ultrasounds. (They do them on every visit in Mexico.) I’m 12 weeks (3 months) today. Happily into the second trimester I skip…

The baby is about the size of a plum this week.
And I am happy. And Craig is happy. And all is good.

The little bambino will be making it’s entrance into this world around June 29, 2009. I’m still floored.

I feel great – I’ve had no morning sickness and I miss wine and blue cheese tremendously. Like a lot. (Socializing without any alcohol is odd.)

That said, I PROMISE not to make this blog all.about.my.pregnancy. (I may make another blog for that. As if I need another blog.)

I also VOW from this day forward, to be exceedingly sensitive to the fertility struggles, known and unknown, of those around me. If you’re going through it, DON’T give up hope. And incidentally, I sure as hell didn’t get pregnant because I just “relaxed”. Ignore that lovely piece of advice when you get it from ANYONE. Also, consider telling those people around you who keep asking you, "When???" - it helps.

And, if you’re ever recommended or prescribed clomid, INSIST on doubling the medication with ultrasound evaluations throughout the cycle/month. Without those ultrasounds, I think clomid’s useless. The combination is key. (Also, fertilityfriend.com was a daily stop on my website tour. The women on those boards are supportive, informative and great. LOVE that site.)

Thanks for reading, friends.

And I love you, Craig. You're going to be the most AMAZING daddy ever. I hope the little plum is as kind, intelligent, noble and artistic as you. And, I hope it has my hair. :-)

38 comments:

  1. OMG KY & C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I read the title of the blog and knew instantly!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! You guys will be the best parents ever and Ky you better make the blog all about your journey cause it will make all of us feel closer. I'm so excited for you guys, it literally brought tears to my eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations! I am so, so happy for you and Craig.

    So much of your story echoed B. and I's journey (including the amazing Dr. Karnitas). It always amazes me how many people quietly go through similar situations.

    I can't hear how the rest of your story goes!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh happy day oh happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. that is SO EXCITING!!!!!

    i am thrilled for you!

    sending long distance hugs from ohio!

    such a lovely post!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. CONGRATULATIONS K&C!!!!!

    Oh, I am SO happy and excited for the both of you!!!! This is so wonderful!!! I was just full of excitement while reading this post and thank you for sharing this story. SO many people try and it is not always easy, but they don't always talk about it.

    I hope you start a baby blog, I want to read everything!!!

    a BIG BIG HUG to the two of you, this is just wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  6. congratulations!!! that is wonderful!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, Kylee...congratulations! I'm crying. I'm so happy for you and C.

    YOU are wonderful. You've expressed every feeling here in words better than one feels them.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh my goodness, I don't even "know" you, but I am so happy for you!!

    I have had friends who have strugged and it really is a horrible challenge.

    So I offer congratulations and many prayers for a wonderful pregnancy and safe delivery.

    God bless you both! or should I say all THREE of you!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congrats!

    June is a great month to have a baby(Owens B-day is June 23).

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am sobbing like a little girl while reading this! What a wonderful way to start the week off!
    Ky~ you are the most thoughtful, loving, and gentle woman. Your baby is so lucky to have you as a MOMMY!
    C~ I have known you my whole life and I can't imagine someone better for the Daddy role than you!

    Congrats to the both of you!!!

    Thanks for giving some of us readers some HOPE again!!!

    I love you both!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Congratulations Kylee and Craig!!! I am so incredibly happy for you and can't wait to hear more!!!

    P.S. I went directly from your Facebook announcement to this post, and I seriously almost cried while reading. Amazing news.

    ReplyDelete
  12. YAY!! i've said it before and i'll say it again: YAYYY!! and you are going to be G-R-R-R-E-A-T parents.

    ReplyDelete
  13. For the record: I never ever ask anyone if they are considering having kids, if they want them, if it will be soon, etc. There are just too many factors that come into having a baby and I don't want to be the moron who sticks my foot in my mouth.

    As for you..... WOOOOOO-HOOOOOO. I was hoping to read one of these posts from you one of these days. Blog about it all you like. If that's the stage of life you are in.... blog away, I say.

    Many congratulations. I will continue to pray for many blessings as that little baby grows.

    ReplyDelete
  14. OMG OMG OMG!

    Congratulations to a couple who will be wonderful parents. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. OMG!! That is the best news I have heard all day! We are only 7 weeks apart! :-) I just called my mom in Disney to tell her the news, she sends her congratulations from Magic Kingdom! Love to you and Craig!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Congratulations!

    I wish you the best with your new baby!!

    It's great that you don't have morning sickness (or ALL day sickness like I had)!

    ReplyDelete
  17. WOHOOOOOO!!!!!

    It's been a long, rough road and I'm SOOOOO happy for the two of you. :)

    Blog about it. I'll read it and love every minute of it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Congratulation!! Bob and I are so happy for you guys.
    That little Plum will be here before you know it.
    Our love you you and Craig.

    ReplyDelete
  19. A HUGE Congrats to you and your hubby!!! I'm so happy for you that you get to experience this miracle...Enjoy every minute because it really does go by in a blur!! Now Ferg will have a lil' sibling!! :)
    I just feel like crying tears of joy for you both!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. The Baby Pretzel news is still so incredibly wonderful.

    I think it will inspire a new poem-- to be continued.

    In the meantime, you shall continue writing genuine posts that inspire the world, my dear friend.
    After all, baby pretzel is worth it.

    xo
    kat

    ReplyDelete
  21. You don't know me, but WOW. Congrats!
    Had one no problem. Then everything stopped working - so been there, done that - then adopted. Life is good.
    That being said, I still don't want to hear how fertile people are and all of the other related well meaning comments from people about it. I'm happy for them, but at some point it just sounds like bragging doesn't it? All I wanted was for someone to show interest and maybe just a little sympathy.
    I look forward to hearing about your pregnancy!
    Maybe the "no sickness" is your little gift for the long road you've been walking.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wow! I am so excited for you -- and moved by your post.

    I have to tell you that my own mom and dad dated for five years (after knowing each other for 10 years as kids) -- then had trouble conceiving for another four years before my sister was born. In fact, my mom was told she could not have children, yet she had three in all.

    I suspect that you and Craig are much like my parents -- sharing a love that most people only dream about.

    I wish you and your new family much joy.

    ReplyDelete
  23. awwww, leave it to Kat to name your baby Baby Pretzel! she's always so darn clever.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Everyone,
    THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

    In all seriousness - your kind words and sentiments are truly lovely and appreciated.

    THANK YOU.

    I think another blog is to come...

    Got any ideas for the name of the next blog? It's MUST include the name, "Pretzel".

    W.K. offered, "PretzelBites.com" and that's my fave so far. Let me know what you think...

    Ky

    ReplyDelete
  25. pretzelbites is WAY cute.

    I know this doesn't contain "pretzel" but all I can think of is your little "mexican jumping bean" :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Congrats to you both! Your story was so well written with such a great ending. I pray you'll have a safe, healthy, and morning sickness-free pregnancy.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Wow! What excellent good news!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yeah!! Yeah!! YEAH!! I'm teary reading this and so incredibly thrilled for you guys. Love you so much and cannot wait to meet this little one!

    ReplyDelete
  29. If I said it a million times it wouldn't be enough. I am so incredibly happy for the two of you. . . three of you. Bless you both for all you have endured and the story you now have to share with others. Here's to a happy pregnancy and a new and exciting beginning. This baby is blessed to have you as parents. Love you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. I simply cannot wait to meet the little plum that you and Craig, quite possibly the best couple in this country, and Mexico, have created! He or she is going to be one lucky kid.

    This is so wonderful! Couldn't be happier for both of you.

    Best wishes for a comfortable pregnancy.

    LOVE YOU GUYS!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh, congratulations on this incredible news! I'm so happy that you and C. are able to make something that you two have wanted for such a long time become a reality. Enjoy the journey!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Congratulations! You guys will make such great parents. I hope you do blog about your pregnancy and the little pretzel.

    And, might I just say, that is one beautiful ovarian follicle you had there. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am extremely happy for you both. What a wonderful present you have given your readers, an uplifting story of hope for the season. Enjoy every minute.
    P.S. - I look forward to reading your blog everyday!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Congrats! I bet you are a really cute prego lady. You are going to be such a great Mom!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Words cannot describe how happy I am for the two of you. Your baby is going to be one of the luckiest in the world to have been born to such a wonderful, caring, fun, spiritual, amazing couple. You deserve it. God bless you. Much love.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Such a great post! Congrats!!
    I hope to see baby pretzel's ultrasound!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Just found you through Grumbles & Grunts and read this post. This is SO EXACTLY what I needed to read today. We're "only" 6 months into the trying phase at this point, but with BBT and everything, it's obvious I'm not even ovulating and it is so incredibly frustrating when I am CRAVING a baby. Your post just gave me some hope that it could happen someday... thank you.

    PS - all the ppl who ask me constantly when I want children can suck it! :P

    ReplyDelete

written exclusively by twopretzels. | Contact kyleeATtwopretzels.com . Powered by Blogger.