Two Pretzels

June 20, 2016

Easy like Monday morning...

Today is Lionel Richie's birthday.

He's 67-years-young today... and let's just say...

...I've got a pretty amazing piece of news that I'll be sharing about ME and THE LIONEL very soon.

Yes. You read that correctly.

Happy Birthday, Lionel.


June 19, 2016

To my Baby Daddy

I'm not sure how it is in other houses, but in mine, the Daddy is IN it.

The man I married has changed as many, if not more, diapers than I have. (Seriously.)
The man I met when I was 17-years-old tag teams with me on a regular basis. School drop-off, pick-up, you name it.
The man I met who makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world, builds his girls up... and tells them that they're strong, smart, beautiful and that they can do anything... daily.

I think you were born to be surrounded by ladies, sweet man.
You play along, you're stern.
You laugh and joke, but you correct.
You encourage and expect much.
You cuddle and play.
Your fix and you teach. 

You're mirroring to them just what a real man is. And truth? I feel for them... because they're going to be hard-pressed to find a Craig of their own. No one will measure up to you.

I can see it now... "But, my Daddy... he's... well, he's incredible... and you? You're not."


They're in love with you and in awe of you.
You can fix anything. And right now, there's such an incredible naïveté and sweetness to the whole thing. I hope they never lose it.

They want to please you; to make you proud.
They want you to call out what they've done. And, I love witnessing your approval. I can see the joy and pride in their faces; it means so much.

To them, you're the strongest, most important, most pivotal man in the world.
They hold you in the highest of esteem... as they should.
They cannot imagine that there's anything in life that you can't fix.

Just as it should be.

All of this makes my heart swell because I know how resolute and solid your love for them is.
They're your girls and you are here to protect and love and teach and grow them.

I don't tell you often enough, but Craig?

You are doing such a good job.

Sweet man, you're the best of the best.
I am honored that I get to walk this parenting road with you.

I love you.
They love you.

Happy, happy Father's Day.



June 9, 2016

Journalism at it's highest form.

I need to consider elevating my online-during-lunch reading.


That headline, though.

"And I'm proud to be an American... where at least I know I'm free".. to use the word "butt" in a headline.


On to and Business Insider, I go...


June 6, 2016

Modern Rules for Marriage

I've been married since 2003, with the same fella since 1997. (#NoBreakUps.) We're long-haulers, not in the trucking industry, but in life. It hasn't always been easy, but here are my light-hearted (sort of) rules for a solid marriage. I'm no pro, but I play one on TV.

Craig and I.

1. Go to bed mad. 

In my family, it's better if the sun sets on your anger, lest you say something you really regret and seriously, who wants to deal with that. (Not a question, more of a statement.)

Apologize to one another the next day. And own, it, too:

Correct: "I'm sorry that I said ___________. I'm certain it made you feel terrible. Do you forgive me?"

Incorrect: "I'm sorry that your feelings got hurt when I called you a jerk for not knowing what I needed." (Because the tables just shifted and now you're the jerk. You need to apologize for your behavior; not for their reaction to your behavior.)

2. Your husband/wife won't always be excited by what excites you.

It's ok to have different interests. I'll never really like UFC and there's no reason to fake it And, the husband probably isn't DYING to know which podcast I just listened to. You be you. And that person you're with will be the person you're with.

Variety is the spice of life.

Your differences = conversation starters. Embrace the differences. Don't run from them.


3. Never talk in the the third person about your other to your child or dog. It's a low blow. 

"No, Fido - you can't have another treat. Your Mom says that you're done." [insert eye roll]

"What, little Susie? Your Dad said no? Well, that's because he's disillusioned and irrelevant to our daily lives, so I'll just go ahead and talk about him like he's not here so that he feels <-------> this big and then I can RULE this house."

Don't be a jerk. (again.)

4. Don't be a jerk. 

No one wants to wake up next to a jerk. Be nice. Say, "Excuse me."

Don't ask, "Huh?"

Say, "Thank you."

Use your words. You get what you give.

5. Offer a beverage.

If you're going to the fridge to get something to drink, act like your significant other is a guest and simply ask, "Can I get you anything?"

It's a simple gesture. And it's just nice.

Marriage is about being nice. Even when you don't want to be.

6. Leave a note. 

Send a text. Do The Snapchat like the kids do. Just be thoughtful. The golden rule works in this situation: do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.

Otherwise, you don't have a leg to stand on in divorce court.

7. Get some alone time.

I'm certain that peanut butter gets sick of jelly.
That Goldie gets sick of Kurt.
That Mrs. Claus looks forward to her night alone when Mr. Claus goes out to work for that ONE NIGHT A YEAR. (I don't know how she does it.)

Online shop.
Paint your nails.
Start a garden.
Make some art.
Write your life story.
Get a massage.
Check into a hotel for the night.
Take a girls trip.

Time away = renewal.

And time spent taking care of you isn't something to feel guilty about, it's necessary.

So enough of the, "I can't go, I can't leave... the world will stop turning without me" drama.


Everyone will live.

9. Conversely, let your significant other have some non-you time, too.

Let's face it. Being with you all the time might be... taxing. (I just wrote that to myself.)

Encourage your best friend to get out, experience life, go on a guy's weekend or a guys' night out... and then welcome him back into the loving cocooon of your home. Don't strangle. Don't cut off the air supply.

Let the bird fly... and know that the bird will come back to the nest.

The other one needs time away from you.


I said it.

10. Know that marriage has its ups and its down.

Marriage is hard. There are really good times... and there are really, really hard times. There are times when you connect like legos and there are times when you connect like the Wicked Witch and Dorothy. Weather it. Don't quit*. And don't compare what's going on in your house to what's going on in anyone else's. It doesn't matter.

Make the first move when you'd rather scream.

Hug. Kiss. Talk. Touch. Rinse, repeat.

Actively love the one you're with.

That's it.


Disclaimer: Obvs if you're in an abusive relationship of any sort none of this matters. Or, if you're married to someone who is never going to change and is just toxic, just cut the cord and run like the wind. Better yet, run the offending party over with your car. #zeroTolerance


June 1, 2016

Alright, alright. Is this acceptable? Let's talk rompers.

I do not own these. However, back in the 90's, I'm certain I had a bunch of this floral goodness. (And that hat.)

A while back I bought this denim-y, palazzo-pants, romper thing.

By, "a while back" I mean, a couple of months ago.

I took it home.

I tried it on in front of the husband (whose opinion I do value)... and he was like, "Eh. It doesn't do anything for you."

Disclaimer: I asked him for the truth.

So, back into the bag the one-piece outfit went. (Next? I texted the girl at the boutique where I bought it and told her I had to bring it back... There aren't a lot of shopping options here in Cabo, so you make friends with the boutique owners so that they text you when they get new inventory. #RulesForLivingInCabo)

That said... a few weeks went by... I put got it out of the bag... all wrinkly... and I tried it on again... and I was like, "Yeah... well... I like it..."

Did I wear it?


Have I worn it?


Did I try it on again today?



(Ignore my hair.)

1. It's denim. (I like the denim. I always have.)

2. I understand that this would be more ideal on a taller person.

3. I realize it may look a little... strangely conservative.

4. And I realize it sort of looks like a big onesie.

So all that said.

The tags are still on it.

(I know it's wrinkly.)

What are your thoughts?

(I know you probably won't want to tell me if you think it's ugly. I'll just assume that your lack of a comment means, "No, Kylee. It doesn't do much for you...)


I don't want to look like the two lovely ladies at the top of this page.


Finally, I would also like to submit to the jury this piece of evidence:

Found on You can preorder it for $450.

(She's clearly taller than I.)

So, I think I may be taking the tags off. Or wont I?

I might be ready to commit. Or not.


And that's all.


May 29, 2016

Things that make me laugh.

1. This.

2. Saturday afternoon we were in the car, on the way to a birthday party. Vivi announced to all of us, "My hands smell like cheese."


Us: "Why?"

Her: "I had cheese for lunch..."

Us: "That was 4 hours ago.


Happy New Week!

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