Two Pretzels

December 9, 2016

Hello? Is there anybody out there?


So I call myself a writer.

I'm the kind of person who must get everything out. Preferably on paper, or on the blog.

I haven't been writing much lately, but that's because this season of my life is, well... full.

Yet still, I have SO  much to say. SO MUCH. I have makeup that I need to share with you all. Vivi was an elf yesterday in her Christmas program (oh my gosh) and Lila is nearly a grown woman. Did anyone watch the finale of This is Us?

It's flying by, friends.

Stick with me. I'm trying to soak it all in.

Family photos will be up very soon. They're uploading now...

Kylee

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All about Core De Force



Answers to Your CORE DE FORCE questions
Have you heard? The new mixed martial arts-inspired workout, CORE DE FORCE is now available!
If you want knockout results in 30 days without lifting a single weight, this is the workout for you. CORE DE FORCE is unlike any other MMA-inspired workout in the Beachbody catalog. Joel and Jericho brought in exhilarating Boxing, Kickboxing, and Muay Thai combinations and mixed them with fat-blasting cardio and bodyweight moves to help you zero in on stubborn belly fat and carve allover definition.
You’ll move through 3-minute “rounds” in which you’ll alternate between various fighting combinations with bodyweight moves and cardio spikes to kick your calorie burn into overdrive. No matter what your fitness level, you can punch, kick, and sweat at your own pace.
Even better? There’s no equipment required. Your body is the only weapon you need to fight hard every single workout. You can also learn how to get started with all the Tools, Tips & Tricks from our Training Room. The one stop destination for Everything CORE DE FORCE 

Who is CORE DE FORCE for?

It’s for anyone who wants to tighten up their midsection, carve a stronger core, and sculpt total-body definition. CORE DE FORCE is great for intermediate or advanced exercisers-or graduates of INSANITY MAX:30, TurboFire, or P90X. But, beginners and those looking for significant weight loss can follow Jessica the modifier and drop serious weight too.
It’s also a great choice for people looking to try a workout inspired by mixed martial arts as Joel and Jericho packed CORE DE FORCE with boxing, kickboxing, and Muay Thai moves.

How long are the CORE DE FORCE workouts?

The workouts are between 30 and 45 minutes. You’ll do one workout a day, seven days a week for 30 days. But, if that sounds like a lot, don’t worry — every seventh day is an active recovery day.

How many workouts are in CORE DE FORCE?

The CORE DE FORCE base kit includes eight workouts and two bonus workouts. There are four MMA-inspired workouts, each with a step-by-step breakdown of all the moves, two bodyweight resistance workouts, two stretch workouts. The program also includes an Eating Plan, a Quick-Start Guide, a 30-Day Calendar, and 2 bonus core workouts — all for $59.85.
Here’s a look at the CORE DE FORCE workouts:
MMA Speed    Upper body and core-focused, this Boxing-influenced workout is short-but packs a serious punch.
MMA ShredKick things up a notch with Muay Thai-inspired elbows and kicks for a head-to-toe shred that’ll lean you out fast.
MMA PowerUsing explosive and defensive-style movements, this fast-paced cardio conditioning workout will help you carve a tight lean body.
MMA PlyoWhat happens when you combine Boxing, Muay Thai and plyometrics into one workout?
Power SculptA total-body burner that uses explosive power and interval training to help sculpt lean muscle and build next-level endurance.
Dynamic StrengthLow on impact, but high on intensity, this no-equipment, bodyweight throwdown helps carve impressive definition.
Active RecoveryRecharge for the week ahead with this rest day workout that focuses on form and technique to fight muscle stiffness and soreness.
CORE DE FORCE ReliefThe quickest stretch ever. Do this 5-minute session before bed to help relieve tight and tired muscles – and keep you at the top of your game.
Core KineticsStrengthen your powerhouse with unique MMA-inspired moves that help carve flat abs and tight obliques.
5 Min Core On the FloorThe ultimate core finisher-5 challenging plank movements to help burn the belly and define, flatten, and tone the tummy.

The CORE DE FORCE Deluxe upgrade includes the Portion Fix containers, an agility ladder, and these three additional workouts.
Agility StrengthCombine fast footwork drills with bodyweight to improve coordination and blast major calories.
Agility PowerGrab your agility ladder and rip through multi-functional training that ignites every muscle and shreds fat for serious definition.
MMA Kick ButtDesigned to carve lean legs and sculpted glutes with a nonstop mix of powerful kicks and calorie-scorching conditioning spikes.

Who Are Joel and Jericho?

Joel Freeman and Jericho McMatthews are longtime friends with extensive experience working in the fitness industry. Together they’ve held Personal Training Certifications from the American Fitness Association of America (AFAA), the American Council On Exercise (ACE), and the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM).
But their goal has always been to help more people get fit and healthy. That’s why they collaborated with Beachbody to bring you CORE DE FORCE. Inspired by authentic MMA training, they created an effective and addictive total-body program — one that will not only get you amazing 30-day results, but help you build tough-as-nails confidence.

Can I use my Portion Fix Containers with CORE DE FORCE?

Yes! Although not needed, the containers are compatible with the Eating Plan. Here’s more about the Eating Plan straight from Joel and Jericho.

Is CORE DE FORCE available on Beachbody On Demand?

If you purchase CORE DE FORCE and are a Beachbody On Demand member, you’ll get unlimited access to Beachbody On Demand where you can stream CORE DE FORCE and hundreds of other proven Beachbody workouts. You’ll also get exclusive workouts from Joel and Jericho! Not a member of Beachbody On Demand? Sign up here
Have a question about the workout program? Ask me in the comments! Ready to try CORE DE FORCE? Get it here!

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November 23, 2016

November 22, 2016

The 5 Social Media / Media-Related Things I want for Christmas



1. For the Christmas season, I"d like to replace Trump with "Puffalump."

I think that would calm the fury, no?

"Did you read about Puffalump's cabinet choices?"

See?

Better.

(This is a puffalump. I had a yellow one.)

2. I want Facebook to turn off for a day. It can be considered a public service.

People would go to the site and be like, "WHAT IN THE PUFFALUMP JUST HAPPENED? WHERE IS FACEBOOK? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY NEIGHBOR'S CHRISTMAS TREE LOOKS LIKE? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY COUSIN ATE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?"

And then each time people viciously refreshed their facebook page, it would say things like:

Go outside and play.

Read a book.

Go talk to your kids.

Go journal.

Go do something you did before Facebook was born.

3. I want Instagram videos to go away. Instead, I'd prefer to scroll through the *still* and *calm* lives of others wistfully, without hearing their children screaming in the background.

I assume this is how my relatives felt when movie pictures started including sound and became talkies. It adds a whole new, unwanted dimension.

I want to see the lovely things, not hear them.

My own kids are yelling in the background, that's why I need your beautiful images to be jealous of.

4. I want snapchat to go away because it scares me that our collective attention span is decreasing by the hour and is hovering right around 15-second chats.

And, I just don't love that I can waste 20 minutes putting filters on my face.

5. I want Kanye & the Kardashians to take a break.

I think that would be a fine Christmas gift for all of us. No?

Let's be honest, they've made all the money, and now they need to incorporate meditation and some tranquility into their lives.

That's all.

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November 13, 2016

I'm sorry, but...



Ok wait.

A $39.95 couture pajama set for an Elf on a Shelf?

You guys.

This item has reviews.
Which means people bought it.
I can't.

People bought their Elf on a Shelf a pair of $40 pajamas. And their kids can't even PLAY with the pajamas because their kids can't even touch the elf.

So, there's that...

But you know what, though? Thank goodness. Thank GOODNESS that fake elves with strange bendy knees now have the opportunity to upgrade their humdrum pj's and wear fashion-forward (arguable) couture pajamas.

If you want to buy it (take a hard look at yourself), you can here.

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November 9, 2016

Parenting solidarity: listening skills, change is hard and dirty forks.



There are days when you absolutely WIN at being a parent:
The children are listening and obeying every single word you say!
They're exuberant and joyful and asking how they can help you!
There are days when they remember to throw their dirty clothes in the hamper and bend over backwards to try to help one another!
There are days when everything is pinterest + facebook + instagram perfect!

I have never had a day like this.

:)

Don't be fooled by my instagram account, my house is loud (me) and noisy (Vivi and I) and bossy (Vivi, Lila and I) and messy (the three of us).

November 8, 2016

I vote. I voted.

I vote for honesty.
I vote for donut day every day.
I vote a calm and steady hand.
I vote for longer maternity leave.
I vote for Mexico and for hard work.
I vote for transparency.
I vote for change.
I vote for empathy.
I vote for squirrels.
I vote for white after labor day.
I vote for access to solid healthcare.
I vote for clean water.
I vote for more flavors of sparkling water.
I vote for access to solid education.
I vote for freedom of expression.
I vote for all men and all women.
I vote for all languages.
I vote for laborers.
I vote for patience.
I vote for good.
I vote for our future.
I vote for a voice.
I vote for a seat at the table.
I vote for faith and hope.
I vote for tomorrow.

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