December 9, 2016
So I call myself a writer.
I'm the kind of person who must get everything out. Preferably on paper, or on the blog.
I haven't been writing much lately, but that's because this season of my life is, well... full.
Yet still, I have SO much to say. SO MUCH. I have makeup that I need to share with you all. Vivi was an elf yesterday in her Christmas program (oh my gosh) and Lila is nearly a grown woman. Did anyone watch the finale of This is Us?
It's flying by, friends.
Stick with me. I'm trying to soak it all in.
Family photos will be up very soon. They're uploading now...
written by Ky | TwoPretzels at 2:01 PM
November 23, 2016
November 22, 2016
1. For the Christmas season, I"d like to replace Trump with "Puffalump."
I think that would calm the fury, no?
"Did you read about Puffalump's cabinet choices?"
(This is a puffalump. I had a yellow one.)
2. I want Facebook to turn off for a day. It can be considered a public service.
People would go to the site and be like, "WHAT IN THE PUFFALUMP JUST HAPPENED? WHERE IS FACEBOOK? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY NEIGHBOR'S CHRISTMAS TREE LOOKS LIKE? HOW WILL I KNOW WHAT MY COUSIN ATE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT?"
And then each time people viciously refreshed their facebook page, it would say things like:
Go outside and play.
Read a book.
Go talk to your kids.
Go do something you did before Facebook was born.
3. I want Instagram videos to go away. Instead, I'd prefer to scroll through the *still* and *calm* lives of others wistfully, without hearing their children screaming in the background.
I assume this is how my relatives felt when movie pictures started including sound and became talkies. It adds a whole new, unwanted dimension.
I want to see the lovely things, not hear them.
My own kids are yelling in the background, that's why I need your beautiful images to be jealous of.
4. I want snapchat to go away because it scares me that our collective attention span is decreasing by the hour and is hovering right around 15-second chats.
And, I just don't love that I can waste 20 minutes putting filters on my face.
5. I want Kanye & the Kardashians to take a break.
I think that would be a fine Christmas gift for all of us. No?
Let's be honest, they've made all the money, and now they need to incorporate meditation and some tranquility into their lives.
written by Ky | TwoPretzels at 2:07 PM
November 13, 2016
A $39.95 couture pajama set for an Elf on a Shelf?
This item has reviews.
Which means people bought it.
People bought their Elf on a Shelf a pair of $40 pajamas. And their kids can't even PLAY with the pajamas because their kids can't even touch the elf.
So, there's that...
But you know what, though? Thank goodness. Thank GOODNESS that fake elves with strange bendy knees now have the opportunity to upgrade their humdrum pj's and wear fashion-forward (arguable) couture pajamas.
If you want to buy it (take a hard look at yourself), you can here.
written by Ky | TwoPretzels at 8:08 AM
November 9, 2016
There are days when you absolutely WIN at being a parent:
The children are listening and obeying every single word you say!
They're exuberant and joyful and asking how they can help you!
There are days when they remember to throw their dirty clothes in the hamper and bend over backwards to try to help one another!
There are days when everything is pinterest + facebook + instagram perfect!
I have never had a day like this.
Don't be fooled by my instagram account, my house is loud (me) and noisy (Vivi and I) and bossy (Vivi, Lila and I) and messy (the three of us).
November 8, 2016
I vote for donut day every day.
I vote a calm and steady hand.
I vote for longer maternity leave.
I vote for Mexico and for hard work.
I vote for transparency.
I vote for change.
I vote for empathy.
I vote for squirrels.
I vote for white after labor day.
I vote for access to solid healthcare.
I vote for clean water.
I vote for more flavors of sparkling water.
I vote for access to solid education.
I vote for freedom of expression.
I vote for all men and all women.
I vote for all languages.
I vote for laborers.
I vote for patience.
I vote for good.
I vote for our future.
I vote for a voice.
I vote for a seat at the table.
I vote for faith and hope.
I vote for tomorrow.
written by Ky | TwoPretzels at 11:34 AM